Reflections from the Weekend: Celebrations and "Frankenstorm"

I expected that past couple of days to be difficult emotionally with Jaelyn’s last soccer game and celebrating her birthday with friends and family.  I find myself surprised almost every time that I expect things to be difficult emotionally.  In thinking about this tonight, I think that when I am expecting things to be emotional, I am more prepared to handle the emotion so it doesn’t hit as hard as I expect.  It was still hard, missing Scott from these celebrations, but I wasn’t an emotional teary eyed mess.  I was enjoying watching Jaelyn having a good time.  I was able to put most of the emotions aside and focus on Jaelyn.  And she truly had a good weekend and enjoyed herself.  I worried about her missing her daddy so much through these celebrations that it would be hard for her to have fun, but that wasn’t the case at all.  Rather, it gave her something positive and happy to focus on.

 I find when things hit me unexpectedly, I am also caught off guard by the intensity of my emotional reaction.  That is when I can’t control the tears or my reaction.  It is usually the little things that catch me, like a punch in the gut.  I am usually aware of and prepared for the big things ahead of time.  Today we spent the afternoon with Scott’s parents, sister Jill, and Uncle Howard.  We talked a lot about Scott and looked at pictures together.   Scott’s mom was teary eyed looking at the pictures and talking about Scott, but it was a good time together.  I shared with them about the sharing Jaelyn has done and some of her journey through grief.  In so many ways Jaelyn is leaps and bounds beyond adults in her understanding of death and heaven, yet in so many other ways, she is an 8 year old little girl.  I am deeply grateful for her clear and simple understanding of death and heaven, even though it still astounds me at times.  I pray daily for wisdom in helping the little girl part of her work through her grief.

I find myself thinking about Scott as this “Frankenstorm” approaches.  Scott enjoyed storms and seeing the power of God in nature.  He was fascinated and in awe of the flooding that we experienced last year.  When bad storms were approaching, Scott could always be found in the backyard sitting in the swing or standing on the back porch watching it move in.  I always thought he should be in the house for safety long before he thought it was necessary.  Well, Scott, you have the best seat in the house for this storm and I won’t be worrying about you coming in the house for safety.