Lori's Rambling

47.  Today you would have been 47 years old.  You left us 6 1/2 years ago without warning.  While I take comfort in the fact that there is no sadness in heaven, I am sad for the moments and memories we “lost” with you and that you “lost” with us.  There is not a soccer game or significant event or accomplishment in Jaelyn’s life that I don’t think of you with sadness that you are “missing out.”    This is a time in her life that you would would have loved — watching her play soccer, winning awards at school, and growing into a beautiful young lady inside and out.  You would be busting out with pride of who Jaelyn is and her journey to get here, especially despite the trauma of losing you.  She has not allowed your loss to define who she is.  As much as I grieve the fact that Jaelyn doesn’t have you, I grieve the fact that you aren’t here to enjoy her growing up and maturing.  I remind her often of how much you loved her, protected her, and planned on “protecting” her from young me

In June of 2012, we organized family pictures with Scott’s family, knowing that once our nephew, Nando, left for college in August it might be difficult to get everyone together at the same time, but not knowing that in a short six weeks Scott would be gone.  Those family pictures have been a tremendous treasure for all of us, as well as a reminder of the uncertainty of life.   I have regretted that we never did family pictures with my family before Scott’s death.  I think that one of the reasons we never did it was because of my brother, Jason, no longer being with us and any family picture would be incomplete.  After Scott’s death, this was even more the case, with both Scott and Jason gone.   About a year and a half ago, it really began to hit home that the longer we waited, the more likelihood that more loved ones could be missing from the pictures.  So for Christmas of 2017 Jaelyn and I gave my parents a gift certificate to have family pictures taken.  But life has a