Nine years

August 10, 2012  — A date that will forever be etched in my memory.  A date that was the most live altering day of my life so far.  In the past nine years, we have learned to live without Scott’s physical presence in our lives, although it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Something that if someone had told me beforehand was going to happen, I would have said I/we could not handle.  I have heard that God doesn’t send you anything that you can’t handle.  I would disagree with that — God doesn’t send anything that HE can’t handle.  It is only by the grace and strength of God that we have not only made it through the past nine years, but, dare I say, thrived.  That is not to deny the rough patches and how hard it truly was, but when I look at Jaelyn all I can do is thank God that He brought us BOTH through so far with grace and strength. 

This past year I think has been one of the hardest of the nine and I know there will be more rough ones to come.  This past year has been full of monumental life experiences for Jaelyn (driver’s permit, driver’s license, first car, first job, and first passport) and it brings me to tears every time I experience one — that Scott is not here to share in those experiences and that Jaelyn doesn’t have her dad here to celebrate those experiences with her and to cheer her on.  Her dad would be busting at the seams he would be so proud of her!  Trust me when I say that it makes me savor each moment even more, just blessed and thankful that I am able to experience each one with her.   

Today we didn’t do anything special to remember Scott, we remember him everyday and don’t need a certain day to remember him.  What meant the most to me today is that Jaelyn and I spent the day together — getting her passport application completed, getting her yearly physical, shopping, lunch with my parents, stopping at a farmer's stand, and just being together.  All special moments that I don’t take for granted.