Our Weekend


Well, we are back from our weekend at deer camp.  I expected it to be emotional for me, but I was surprised.  The weekend seemed to affect Jaelyn more than me.  I think maybe I wasn’t emotional because I was tuned into Jaelyn’s emotions.  Don’t get me wrong, I missed Scott and it felt like a big hole all weekend.  I expected to be tearful or just generally down this weekend.  I think maybe I gained strength from doing things that I know Scott enjoyed doing.  I am including an excerpt from a journal entry that I wrote over the weekend.
 

10/14/12

I’m sitting in front of the fireplace at deer camp enjoying the fire burning.  The cabin is quiet – my parents, Jaelyn, and the two dogs are fast asleep.  The only sounds are the fire crackling and the sound of my pen on the paper.

 It was a tiring day today.  Jaelyn had a very rough morning.  She was extremely grouchy, complaining, and growling (literally) about everything on the drive and the hike.  We just couldn’t do anything that pulled her out of her funk.  I asked her if she was missing her daddy and she said no.  I don’t think she was ready to be honest with herself or me. 

We ate lunch after returning to the cabin from the hike.  Jaelyn was coming out of her funk by then – finally – after four hours of miserable behavior.  After lunch she picked up one of the children’s books on grieving that I had bought for her – “Someone I Love Died” – one that involves journaling as part of the book.  Jaelyn asked for a pen and began working through the book on her own.  When she finished, she went outside to play and was in a really good mood. 

Later, before dinner, after taking a shower, Jaelyn crawled up on my lap with the book and asked me to read it to her.  She drew a picture of her daddy in the casket and her standing by it crying.
 

Jaelyn drew another picture of her daddy in heaven, saying, “I love you” to Jaelyn on earth saying, “Come back Dad.”
 

She shared in some of the journaling sections as you can see in this picture.


 
Jaelyn also drew a picture of her daddy kayaking down a stream in heaven with the angels and God watching him.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
She ended the book by answering the question, what are you glad about:
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
I really think that Jaelyn’s grumpiness and funk in the morning was grief coming out.  I am grateful that she has positive outlets for her grief and recognizes healthy ways to help her work through some of her feelings.  The weekend has felt weird without Scott here and I feel out of step without him here. 

 

“Grief is much like water pouring over the rocks in the streams.  It needs time to shape a person.  I have learned to let grief slowly wash over me, polishing away the hard places and leaving me with the heart of a survivor.”  -- Chicken Soup for the Soul for Grieving and Recovery

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