No Rush

Today, for some reason, my thoughts are just flowing out of me.  Yet I cannot stop thinking about a conversation that I had with a friend yesterday.  I was talking about how busy things had been in my personal life recently.  Her immediate thought was that I had met someone special.  I remember sitting in stunned silence for a moment that this was her first thought.

As we approach a year tomorrow, I have thought about how I will know when I am ready to stop wearing Scott's wedding ring and be open to moving forward to that step.  That is a question I don't have an answer for right now.  I figure that when I have that answer, then I am probably ready to let go.  I cannot comprehend a year ever being enough time, yet I would never judge someone else's grief journey if they reach that point before a year.  I have often told  people that if God has another special man in His plan for me at some point, He is going to have to drop him in my lap.

Any guy in the future would have to be able to accept Scott's family as my family, love Jaelyn as his own while recognizing that she has an amazing "real" father, and accept that I will always love Scott and not be threatened by that.  I wish some friends wouldn't be so excited to see me with someone special again.  It feels like Scott is easily replaceable in their minds and quite frankly, it makes me angry.  I appreciate their love and concern, but until you have walked in my shoes, don't assume to know or guess where I am at emotionally or where you think I should be at.

I am content without a man and feel no need to "replace" Scott.  When and if God has someone special for me, then God will change those feelings.  Please don't feel that I need a man to feel complete.  Do I miss having a spouse?  Absolutely!  But do I need a spouse?  No.  It takes more than just a man to be a spouse and especially the spouse that God would want for me.  Any future decision to remarry will be a larger decision than my past decision to marry Scott.  I have more to take into consideration, and quite frankly, the thought of dating again is terrifying.  So, I will wait and see what God has for the future and be content where I am until God leads otherwise.

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