Reflections on my Grief Journey

So, last night I tried to write a blog post, had almost a whole page written, and my computer froze up – lost everything I had written.  So now I’m going to try again, although I’m sure much of what I write tonight will be different from what I wrote last night.

I have been talking a lot in the last two weeks with a friend who suffered a significant loss.  It has really made me take the time to reflect on my own grief journey and what I have learned.  While this brings the intense initial emotions back to the forefront, it also shows me how far I have come and how much I have learned.  In going through something like this, I have found strength in myself that I didn’t know that I had, as well as a trust in God to provide everything that I need.  I have had to dig deep some days to find motivation and strength to get through the day, but God always provided what I needed, when I needed it – material needs, a word of comfort, strength to face a difficult day. Although I may not have always been able to see it in the moment, when I look back I see God’s hand of preparation, comfort, and provision over everything.

Now, I find myself thankful, though thankful may not be the right word, for what I have learned, that I can use it to help others.  I find that in shared grief for my friend, I am in a teaching role – helping others to understand what the basic grief journey is like and what is most helpful and what is least helpful – at least from my experience.  One friend suggested that I write a book about my journey and what I have learned. . .and I guess in a way I already have written a “book” with my blogs.

I have learned a lot about myself in this journey and I have learned to be more patient with others.  I have tried to take what people have said that may have been hurtful and see from their perspective why they said it.  It has helped me not to be angry if I can look past their words and see their motivations.  I don’t believe that anyone says something with the intention of hurt, but more a misunderstanding of the perspective of the grieving person.

Just be there and listen, if the person doesn’t feel like talking, then just being there –even if it means sitting in silence.  Cry with your friends in their grief.  One of the worst parts of grief is feeling so alone, even in a crowd at times.  Find something specific and concrete that you can do to help, and ask the grieving person if that would be helpful to them.  I could not have told you what I needed help doing, but those around saw what needed done and stepped in and did it – simple things like mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, folding laundry, getting groceries, etc. It really helped me to hold my world together in the beginning until my thinking began to clear.  And most important, talk about the person who was lost.  It is painful to talk about them, but even more painful not to talk about them – it is as if they never existed if their memory is not talked about.  Talking about them brings healing.