Death and Hope


Sitting in the Veteran’s Memorial at the cemetery, listening to the chimes ring out a song on the hour.  There are not too many more peaceful things than the sun shining, the birds singing, and the bells chiming.  Again I didn’t walk back to Scott’s grave because every time I come to the cemetery, there is work being done close by so there would be no privacy.  It is really frustrating that I haven’t been at his grave since right before Christmas, although I have been at the cemetery.  I appreciate all the work that is put in to making the cemetery beautiful, but wish that it didn’t always seem to have to be in that particular section every time I stop by.  I thought that with today being Good Friday that no one would be working – but I was wrong. 

There are signs of new life everywhere – buds on trees, crews planting new trees and shrubbery.  Yet my heart is heavy as I’m sure Jesus’ followers were on this day thousands of years ago.  Easter brings hope, but is also a time of sorrow since we were married Easter Weekend 14 years ago, although our anniversary is not Easter Weekend this year. 

Being at the Veteran’s Memorial brings such peace for me.  The appearance of a bombed out cathedral with new life and beauty growing inside give hope – of beauty out of ashes, calm after the war, and the presence of God.  When sitting in the Memorial, the walls block out the outside world and the only direction you can look is up to the skies.  Maybe this is why I crave time at the Memorial – it forces me to look up, see and experience what God has made and provided.  I am looking forward to seeing the trees with leaves and the fountains running again as the weather warms up. 

It may seem odd to some people that I can see hope and renewal at a cemetery, yet it is a calm and quiet place, away from people, the hustle and bustle, and technology.  Time seems to slow down when I am there and I can think more clearly in the quiet and the calm.  This has been one of the hardest years of my life, yet I see positive change in Jaelyn’s growth emotionally and spiritually as well as my own.  That is what gives me hope for the future – that we can keep moving forward.  Not forgetting Scott, never forgetting him,  but finding a way to keep him close, honor his memory, but continue to live life as he would have wanted us to do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nine years

Image
August 10, 2012  — A date that will forever be etched in my memory.  A date that was the most live altering day of my life so far.  In the past nine years, we have learned to live without Scott’s physical presence in our lives, although it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Something that if someone had told me beforehand was going to happen, I would have said I/we could not handle.  I have heard that God doesn’t send you anything that you can’t handle.  I would disagree with that — God doesn’t send anything that HE can’t handle.  It is only by the grace and strength of God that we have not only made it through the past nine years, but, dare I say, thrived.  That is not to deny the rough patches and how hard it truly was, but when I look at Jaelyn all I can do is thank God that He brought us BOTH through so far with grace and strength.  This past year I think has been one of the hardest of the nine and I know there will be more rough ones to come.  This past year has
Read more

"Normal"

Well,  I went back to work today and Jaelyn went back to school.  Life goes on as "normal."  I had a pretty good day at work and Jaelyn had a good first day of school.  So why am I angry?  How can life go on as normal with one of the most important people in my life gone?  I don't want normal again -- life isn't normal when your spouse dies at such a young age with no warning.  My mind and my heart want to fight against normal.  Normal makes it feel like it wasn't a big deal that Scott died and that he didn't matter, and it was and is a big deal and he did matter.  Yet life must go on.  It doesn't seem right.  I want life to just pause for a moment to acknowledge the significance of Scott's life gone, yet life goes on.  It is hard to move on, plan for the future that he was always to be a part of and now is not. I know I'm not the first person to experience grief and loss and will not be the last person.  I know that Scott is not the first signif
Read more

New Hobby -- Clay jewelry and crafts with Sculpey Clay

Image
One of my friends got me started making jewelry about 2 years ago.  I tried selling necklaces and earrings at one point early on but discovered that making money by making jewelry is not the easiest thing in the world especially since it seems like eveyone is into making jewelry.  I still enjoy making jewelry, but I am getting overloaded with necklaces.  I mean really, a person can only wear so many necklaces.  So just recently I decided to expand my jewelry making into actually making the beads and pendants themselves.  On a recent trip to Michael's, our local craft store, I discovered Sculpey clay that can be baked in a regular oven.  I bought a DVD put out by Sculpey on different processes and steps to making certain types of items, jewelry, luggage tags, picture frames, etc.  It teaches the basic techniques to obtaining certain basic looks that can be expanded on to make more elaborate pieces.  I have been experimenting with it the last couple of days and am really enjoy
Read more