Rambling Thoughts about the House and Scott

I took the night off from working on the house.  My arm, back, and leg muscles are aching from painting at the house, up and down the ladder to get the edges and reach the upper part of the wall.   I'm very thankful for my dad being willing to paint the ceilings -- not sure I would have been able to paint two days in a row if I had to paint the ceilings! 

I can't tell you how many times I have wished for Scott to be here helping with the painting.  Scott was so good at edging, even after owning rental properties for eleven years, he never taped off rooms to paint.  He was so patient and careful.  I never had the patience to do the edging.  Although if Scott was still here, we wouldn't have been ready to buy a new house, thus not needing to do the painting.  Such mixed feelings.  I am excited about the house and the progress being made, but I also feel guilty for feeling excited.  I don't like feeling like I benefited from Scott's death.  I know Scott wouldn't look at it that way, but be glad that we were "taken care of."  And I understand that, but that doesn’t take away those guilty feelings.  I would much rather have Scott here and have tight finances than any amount of life insurance money.  I have so many pictures of Scott, Scott and Jaelyn, Scott and the dogs, and family pictures to put up in the new house that memories of Scott will still be everywhere I look – and that is just the way I want it for Jaelyn and I. 

Jill and I spent some time at the house this morning finishing Jaelyn’s bedroom and putting the first coat of paint on the master bedroom.   Jill spent time with Jaelyn in the afternoon, allowing me to go to Home Improvement to finalize the kitchen cabinets and pick out some last flooring and schedule the installation of all of those items.  It is looking like we will be able to move in the weekend of February 9th.   This allows time to finish all the painting, replacing both bathroom doors with larger doors (to allow my mother-in-law access to the bathrooms with her wheelchair), cleaning, installation of heating/AC, installation of new lighting fixtures and some electrical changes, installation of all the new flooring, installation of the additional kitchen cabinets, and replacement and addition of kitchen countertops.  It is still overwhelming when I think about all that needs done, but it is nice to have a more solid timeframe in place now.

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