Father's Day and the Cabin
We just got home from the cabin after five days. I don't understand how five days can go so fast when we are away and go so slow when it is a normal work week.
In the past ten months, we have experienced a lot of difficult firsts. Everyone has said, and I expected, that the firsts would be the most difficult. And that may be true, but this was our third trip to the cabin since Scott's death. The first trip was the most difficult in terms of caring for Jaelyn and her emotions. I would have to say that this trip, the third, was the most difficult in terms of missing Scott. We had, what would have been in Scott's eyes, a perfect weekend. Pine Creek was perfect for kayaking, the weather was warm -- but not too warm and cool -- but not too cool. It was hard realizing how much Scott would have enjoyed himself this weekend. I think that the fact that it was Father's Day weekend didn't help my emotions. I thought about Scott almost constantly and talked about him often.
I think one of the most common phrases this weekend (other than Jaelyn wanting to play badminton constantly) was, "you got that from your daddy." On Monday, we took Jaelyn to a "new" (to her) swimming hole this weekend. Pine Creek was flowing a little too swiftly for Jaelyn to play in it by herself, other than wading at the edge, so we went to a stream instead. I promised her that I would go in the water with her at the swimming hole. I'm not sure I would have promised that if I had known ahead of time how cold the water was going to be. Now, that cold water wouldn't have phased Scott too much, maybe slowed him down a little bit. I didn't get in past my knees, but Jaelyn, just like her daddy would have, was in up to her neck. It did take her a little bit of time, but she wouldn't admit the water was cold. It was so cold that it hurt until my feet went numb!
The only celebration of Father's Day that we did this weekend, was Dad and I going for a seventeen mile round-trip, early morning bike ride. Not a bad accomplishment for not being in good physical shape and not having ridden much bike recently. We saw lots of wildlife, including a doe with a fawn that couldn't have been more than a couple of days old. We had lots of time to chat as it took us about three hours round-trip. It was a special time with my dad and a rare one-on-one time.
Every evening, we went for a drive, just to see how many deer and other wildlife we could see. Every evening, the drive was in a different area. It was absolutely amazing to see areas that I don't remember ever seeing before and to drive for miles and miles on dirt roads and see nothing but God's creation -- no signs of civilization other than a few scattered signs. We saw lots of deer, a few fawn, some turkeys, and a rattle snake (the snake was on one of our daytime excursions). We were hoping to see a bear or bobcat, but that was not to be on this trip.
It was a good weekend away, even with the undercurrent of loss and grief that is still there.
In the past ten months, we have experienced a lot of difficult firsts. Everyone has said, and I expected, that the firsts would be the most difficult. And that may be true, but this was our third trip to the cabin since Scott's death. The first trip was the most difficult in terms of caring for Jaelyn and her emotions. I would have to say that this trip, the third, was the most difficult in terms of missing Scott. We had, what would have been in Scott's eyes, a perfect weekend. Pine Creek was perfect for kayaking, the weather was warm -- but not too warm and cool -- but not too cool. It was hard realizing how much Scott would have enjoyed himself this weekend. I think that the fact that it was Father's Day weekend didn't help my emotions. I thought about Scott almost constantly and talked about him often.
I think one of the most common phrases this weekend (other than Jaelyn wanting to play badminton constantly) was, "you got that from your daddy." On Monday, we took Jaelyn to a "new" (to her) swimming hole this weekend. Pine Creek was flowing a little too swiftly for Jaelyn to play in it by herself, other than wading at the edge, so we went to a stream instead. I promised her that I would go in the water with her at the swimming hole. I'm not sure I would have promised that if I had known ahead of time how cold the water was going to be. Now, that cold water wouldn't have phased Scott too much, maybe slowed him down a little bit. I didn't get in past my knees, but Jaelyn, just like her daddy would have, was in up to her neck. It did take her a little bit of time, but she wouldn't admit the water was cold. It was so cold that it hurt until my feet went numb!
The only celebration of Father's Day that we did this weekend, was Dad and I going for a seventeen mile round-trip, early morning bike ride. Not a bad accomplishment for not being in good physical shape and not having ridden much bike recently. We saw lots of wildlife, including a doe with a fawn that couldn't have been more than a couple of days old. We had lots of time to chat as it took us about three hours round-trip. It was a special time with my dad and a rare one-on-one time.
Every evening, we went for a drive, just to see how many deer and other wildlife we could see. Every evening, the drive was in a different area. It was absolutely amazing to see areas that I don't remember ever seeing before and to drive for miles and miles on dirt roads and see nothing but God's creation -- no signs of civilization other than a few scattered signs. We saw lots of deer, a few fawn, some turkeys, and a rattle snake (the snake was on one of our daytime excursions). We were hoping to see a bear or bobcat, but that was not to be on this trip.
It was a good weekend away, even with the undercurrent of loss and grief that is still there.
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