Tennis Lessons

Tonight as we were sitting on the steps to our deck, enjoying the beautiful weather, Jaelyn asked if we could go play tennis.  I have to admit, it took a few moments of wrestling mentally with myself.  This would be the first time on the tennis courts since Scott’s death.  We used to go to the tennis courts as a family.  Scott would take time teaching Jaelyn how to hold the racket, do the forehand and backhand, and spend infinite amounts of time patiently hitting balls for her to practice.  When she would get tired, then Scott and I would hit the ball back and forth until I would get tired.  Then Scott would practice his serves until Jaelyn and I were bored and ready to go.   I’m sure we were always ready to go long before Scott.

Tonight in my mental arguments with myself, I finally reminded myself that if Jaelyn wanted to do something that she enjoyed with Scott, it would be very selfish on my part to say no, just because it would be painful for me.  Tennis is always something that Scott wanted Jaelyn to learn how to play and to enjoy.  Now, sitting and thinking back over the night, it is evident that God’s hand was at work and I am thankful that I was not a roadblock to that.

There are two local places that we liked to play tennis – the Jonestown Park – which has two courts without a fence in between, and Northern Lebanon High School which has six courts with a fence dividing them in half.  We decided to check out Jonestown Park first, but there was someone playing on one of the courts.  Since we aren’t very good and our balls end up everywhere, we decided not to invade and annoy the players already on the court.

 We headed over to Northern Lebanon High School.  The courts were completely empty when we arrived.  We set up on the first court inside the fence.  We were hitting balls for about ten to fifteen minutes before a few cars pulled up and kids began arriving.  I thought maybe we were in the way for a tennis practice.  The lady who appeared to be in charge, came up and struck up a conversation and we came to find out that this is a Tuesday night tennis clinic for school age kids 7^th grade and younger.  I asked Jaelyn if she wanted to participate, but she said no.  I didn’t push it, but simply went back to hitting balls with Jaelyn.  We moved back to the back three courts, on the other side of the dividing fence, to stay out of their way and not mix up all the tennis balls.  There were friends of Jaelyn’s from school and soccer that showed up for the tennis clinic. 

After finishing hitting tennis balls, as we were cleaning up our balls and rackets, Jaelyn turned to me and asked if she could come to the tennis clinic next week.  I reminded her of her track meet next week, but said that we could come the week after that. She was excited that it meets every week through the end of the summer. I truly believe that being able to see her friends having so much fun playing tennis – something she enjoyed doing with her dad – helped her to feel comfortable and want to do this.  It truly blesses my heart when I see her stepping out and trying sports that she knew her daddy loved, and finding a love for them herself.  It is moments like these when I miss him the most.

I am very grateful that I was unselfish tonight and took the time to face the pain in order to see Jaelyn step out and blossom just a little bit more.   In the beginning I was very purposeful in facing the pain head-on.  Tonight I realized that I am no longer purposeful in that and have slipped into avoiding the pain without really thinking about it.  I pray that I will be able to consciously put Jaelyn’s growth and steps forward ahead of preventing my sadness and pain.