Memories of my brother
This month is the anniversary of two events that changed my life and my family's life forever. On May 16th it will be 20 years since my brother Jason was severely injured in an industrial accident. A week later it will 8 years since he passed on. I have been thinking about Jason a lot lately, perhaps because of these anniversaries. My parents and I often wonder what our life and Jason's life would have been like without these events. Would Jason be married and have his own children -- how cool would that have been? I think of our life growing up and how many cousins we had to play with, on both sides of the family. Then I look at Jaelyn and she has two cousins. I do realize that there are pros and cons to both situations. Because of how many cousins Jason and I had, we never really got to know our grandparents extremely well as anytime we were at their houses, there were cousins there. Then I look at Jaelyn and she often gets to spend time with both grandparents. Jaelyn has a much closer relationship with her grandparents than I had with mine and this is something that I wouldn't change for Jaelyn for anything.
When I think back over the years to both days, I think mostly of loss. Loss of a brother as I knew him and loss of a "normal" life are the first thoughts that come to mind. It was during those first months and years following Jason's accident, that the circle around our family tightened in. We grew to know some friends so much better and more deeply, such as the Trego family, who visited Jason like clockwork, lifted up our family in prayer, encouraged us, and just listened to us. Our circle of "family" grew when we added nurses to help care for Jason, but shrank when extended family pulled back. It is not easy to overcome your own fears and discomfort in order to be there for a friend or family. Certainly Jason's injuries and his resulting disabilities made many people uncomfortable -- it was a period of adjustment for all of us. I believe that many family and friends did not know what to say to us or Jason, especially since Jason could no longer communicate verbally.
As a family, we stopped going to extended family get-togethers -- if Jason couldn't go, part of our family was missing and we didn't want to participate if he wasn't able. I don't believe that most people understood that because Jason could not eat, we would not put him in a situation where people were eating. I believe that Jason's obvious disability left people thinking of Jason as just a shell of a person with no one inside with feelings, emotions, and thoughts. This could not have been further from the truth. Jason still had his devilish mischievious sense of humor which came through very clearly in his communication, his facial expressions, and the little physical control of his body that he had left. Jason could beat any of us or the nurses at Uno, loved to be read to, loved to go to church and visit the shut-ins from the church. Jason especially loved to go to deercamp on the occasions when he was healthy enough to go.
Jason touched and changed more people's lives in the twelve years between his accident and his death, than in his previous eighteen years of life. He always seemed to have a positive attitude. I often wondered how he came to grips with what happened to him and how he kept such a positive attitude. I really believe that if I had been in his shoes, I would have been very bitter and angry. I'm not saying that Jason didn't have those moments, but they seemed to be rare. With my parents' assistance, Jason had his own ministry in our church -- visiting shut-ins and sending cards to those who were sick, struggling, or not able to get out. Those visits and cards meant a lot to those that received them. They knew what a struggle it was for Jason just to sign his name on those cards, with how his disabilities affected his hands. Jason was my hero -- to see the blow that life threw at him, taking away all his dreams, his physical abilities, stripping his privacy and often his dignity away, and yet he was able to remain positive, tease and joke with those around, and use the energy and strength that he had to reach out to make a difference in other people's lives.
I often wish that Jason could have met Jaelyn, she was born a year and a half after his death, but a part of me believes that Jason met her before she was born. Jaelyn seems to have an unusual connection to Jason and his role in our family despite never having met him. Jason would love her sense of humor and her energy as well as her outspoken way of making sure that everyone she loves knows it. I believe that a part of Jason lives on in Jaelyn, partly in her name (Jason's nickname was Jay and his middle name was Lynn) and partly in her fun-loving sense of humor.
I love and miss you Jason!
When I think back over the years to both days, I think mostly of loss. Loss of a brother as I knew him and loss of a "normal" life are the first thoughts that come to mind. It was during those first months and years following Jason's accident, that the circle around our family tightened in. We grew to know some friends so much better and more deeply, such as the Trego family, who visited Jason like clockwork, lifted up our family in prayer, encouraged us, and just listened to us. Our circle of "family" grew when we added nurses to help care for Jason, but shrank when extended family pulled back. It is not easy to overcome your own fears and discomfort in order to be there for a friend or family. Certainly Jason's injuries and his resulting disabilities made many people uncomfortable -- it was a period of adjustment for all of us. I believe that many family and friends did not know what to say to us or Jason, especially since Jason could no longer communicate verbally.
As a family, we stopped going to extended family get-togethers -- if Jason couldn't go, part of our family was missing and we didn't want to participate if he wasn't able. I don't believe that most people understood that because Jason could not eat, we would not put him in a situation where people were eating. I believe that Jason's obvious disability left people thinking of Jason as just a shell of a person with no one inside with feelings, emotions, and thoughts. This could not have been further from the truth. Jason still had his devilish mischievious sense of humor which came through very clearly in his communication, his facial expressions, and the little physical control of his body that he had left. Jason could beat any of us or the nurses at Uno, loved to be read to, loved to go to church and visit the shut-ins from the church. Jason especially loved to go to deercamp on the occasions when he was healthy enough to go.
Jason touched and changed more people's lives in the twelve years between his accident and his death, than in his previous eighteen years of life. He always seemed to have a positive attitude. I often wondered how he came to grips with what happened to him and how he kept such a positive attitude. I really believe that if I had been in his shoes, I would have been very bitter and angry. I'm not saying that Jason didn't have those moments, but they seemed to be rare. With my parents' assistance, Jason had his own ministry in our church -- visiting shut-ins and sending cards to those who were sick, struggling, or not able to get out. Those visits and cards meant a lot to those that received them. They knew what a struggle it was for Jason just to sign his name on those cards, with how his disabilities affected his hands. Jason was my hero -- to see the blow that life threw at him, taking away all his dreams, his physical abilities, stripping his privacy and often his dignity away, and yet he was able to remain positive, tease and joke with those around, and use the energy and strength that he had to reach out to make a difference in other people's lives.
I often wish that Jason could have met Jaelyn, she was born a year and a half after his death, but a part of me believes that Jason met her before she was born. Jaelyn seems to have an unusual connection to Jason and his role in our family despite never having met him. Jason would love her sense of humor and her energy as well as her outspoken way of making sure that everyone she loves knows it. I believe that a part of Jason lives on in Jaelyn, partly in her name (Jason's nickname was Jay and his middle name was Lynn) and partly in her fun-loving sense of humor.
I love and miss you Jason!
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