Lori's Rambling

My brother, Jason, was an extremely talented young man when it came to mechanics and vehicles.  He had his first car and had rebuilt the engine the first time by his 13th birthday.  He knew from a young age what he wanted to do with his life.  By the time he was 18, he was working full-time as a machinist and had completely redone his car - both engine and body.  He had bought a truck and rebuilt the engine and had started working on redoing the body.  His car and truck were his pride and joy. And then the unexpected happened — he was severely injured in a work accident which left him in a coma and in the hospital and rehab for a year before my parents were able to bring him home with round the clock nursing care.  Because his car and truck were his pride and joy and so much of his blood, sweat, and tears were poured into them, our family couldn’t think of parting with them.  He never recovered from his injuries and was left significantly disabled...

As we come up on 6 years this Friday since Scott died, I find that I am more aware of and grieving more for what Jaelyn has lost.  I find myself being more observant of father/daughter or father/child moments that remind me of Scott’s relationship with Jaelyn and what she has lost.  This morning in church, a young family came in with their two year old little boy (who we have enjoyed spending time with him in the nursery once a month for the past year).  His father was carrying a Turkey Hill slushy and for all of those who knew Scott well, you know that he was “addicted” to Turkey Hill slushies.  It was touching to watch him kneel down and share spoonfuls of the slushy with his little boy.  Jaelyn was a little bit older when Scott developed his slushy addiction, but it was exactly what I could picture Scott doing with Jaelyn if she had been that age.  I leaned over and told Jaelyn what I was thinking as I love those moments when it is a visual picture in f...

Today was the presentation of the fifth annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship.  The scholarship winner is chosen each year through vote of the youth and youth leaders based on criteria of living a life of faith and adventure. Each year I find out who the winner or winners (there was a tie one year) are just before the presentation.  Coming from a rather large church, some years I am familiar with the name and face of the winner and some years I am not.   It is always interesting to hear from Pastor Marc a little bit about each winner and what makes them special.   This morning when Pastor Marc told me that the winner this year is Alex Almer and that he had shared his testimony in the Easter program, I immediately understood what made Alex special.   I am glad that I had the honor of hearing Alex's story and testimony during the Easter program.  It was not a surprise to me having heard his testimony when Pastor Marc told me that Alex had w...

For those of you who have followed our journey over the five and a half years since Scott’s death, you will remember that our concern was to make sure that Jaelyn’s heart was healthy and that she was receiving preventative screenings since we weren’t 100% sure of what caused the severe blockages in Scott’s arteries.  We decided, in consultation with Jaelyn’s pediatrician, to wait a little over a year after Scott’s death to complete the first screening for Jaelyn, in an effort to be more removed emotionally from the trauma of his death.  So, four years ago when Jaelyn went through her first Cardiology screening, both Jaelyn and I were anxious about it.  She was anxious because of new doctors, unusual (to her) tests, and bloodwork.  Although I think the bloodwork was the biggest fear due to her very strong aversion to needles.  I was anxious that something would show up on the tests or bloodwork.  Jaelyn made it through the bloodwork with the support of Gran...

This morning I felt drawn to go to the cemetery.  I have never been to the cemetery on Easter day, although I come to the cemetery regularly in the 5 1/2+ years since Scott died.   Seeing all the palm leaf and floral crosses and fresh spring flowers against the starkness of the bare trees, brown grass, stone grave stones, and grey skies is a vivid reminder of the joy to come when I see Christ and my loved ones face to face.  I think of Scott and Jason, with hope for the day that there will no longer be sadness when I think of them.  Rather we will be celebrating with Christ together.   Seeing the sheer volume of spring flowers and crosses on scattered graves (as compared to an ordinary day), as well as the number of people still coming to place flowers and crosses on the graves is amazing to me.  I truly was not expecting to see what I saw this morning. Today is one of the busiest days I have ever seen (other than Christmas) at the cemetery.  It ...

Even though this is our sixth Christmas without Scott, there is still a part of me that dreads Christmas.  —  Shouldn’t I “just be over it already?” — I have heard this comment made a few times to or about others this Christmas season.  Honestly, it breaks my heart.  It doesn’t matter how many years it has been, I will always miss Scott at Christmas and there are parts of the Christmas season that will always be difficult.  Yes, I will laugh and enjoy time with family, but I will also grieve the fact that Scott is not there to enjoy it.  Scott loved family get-togethers - eating, laughing, and playing games together with those he loved — and those get-togethers highlight the fact that he is missing.  Are my emotions as raw as the first year or two?  No, but that is not necessarily the case for everyone.  I will say that year five was almost as difficult as year one for me personally.  I try to take each day as it comes and work hard to ...

In the last two years especially of Jaelyn playing soccer, I grieve the fact that Scott isn’t here to enjoy this season of Jaelyn’s life.  He would have loved seeing her play and taken great pride in her ability and sportsmanship.  He would have been that loud parent on the side-line!  Although soccer was the one sport that Scott didn’t play growing up and despite his doubts in his ability to coach a sport he hadn’t played, Scott coached the last soccer team (indoor at the YMCA) Jaelyn played on before his death.  At that point we had no idea whether Jaelyn would stick with soccer and how much she would excel and come to love the sport.  When Scott died I worried that she would give up the sport because it reminded her of her dad — and in the beginning that wasn’t a good thing.  She did want to give up the first season (practices for that season actually began the week of Scott’s death) after he died, but I wouldn’t allow her to quit.  That first ...