Thoughts about Sandy Hook and Grief

In the last day and a half, my thoughts keep turning to the families, teachers, and children from Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut.  I’m sure that almost everyone across our nation and around the world has been thinking and praying for these families.  I know that I am not alone in grieving with them.  I find myself thinking back over my grief journey and cannot even begin to imagine the shock and grief that these families are experiencing.  Everyone is asking the question why.  And while the why is very important to know in order to prevent this from happening again, I find myself thinking that the why is not going to change anything for these families.  The why is not going to bring their child or loved one back.  The why is not going to take their pain away.  In fact, the why may actually cause more pain, if the why is something had warning signs or was preventable.  Honestly, there is no answer to the why question that would make everything all right. 

I can only begin to imagine the anger and grief that I would feel if Jaelyn had been one of these children.  I think that as a parent, it would be good that the shooter is dead, so that I would not be tempted to commit murder.  Yet on the other hand, death was too easy for him.  As a parent, I would want to see justice here on this earth.  I have no doubt that he is facing justice with God right now.  If we as onlookers are so angry about this situation, I can only guess at the incredible anger the families are feeling right now. 

As Jaelyn and I were eating dinner at Pizzatown tonight, on CNN was the father of little Emilie Parker, who was killed.  It was truly uplifting to hear his words of faith and trust in God to comfort them and carry them through.  This is one time that faith in God receives positive attention in the media and is not edited out of public broadcasts.  I was amazed at his strength and bravery to come out on national television, share their story so publicly, and answer questions from the media.  Mr. Parker was not ashamed of his tears, did not attempt to hide his emotions or his love for Emilie and the rest of his family. 

I know that any grief journey is challenging and ever changing.  Yet as I think about what the grief journey might be like for these families, I think that there are going to be so many more facets to their grief journey simply because of the tragic, violent, and unexpected nature of these deaths.  I have no face of death in my mind when my thoughts turn to Scott, as heart disease has no recognizable face.  I would imagine that these families will see this killer’s face in their nightmares and that it will take conscious effort to not see the face of the killer when thinking of their child or loved one.  I find comfort when I think of Scott’s death that Scott took care of his health and that there wasn’t really anything that stands out as warning signs.  These families will see all the ways that this could have been prevented, and this will/may bring extreme anger.

 My prayer for these families is that they would draw together as a group of grieving parents, and draw strength from each other and God.  I pray that they will not allow anger and bitterness to take control, but will be able to work through those natural emotions and come through it stronger.   I pray that those around them would surround them with the love and support that they are going to need both for themselves and especially for the surviving children, both in each family and those who survived the attack at the school.  I pray for wisdom for the adults in helping the children grieve and cope with the psychological effects of this tragedy.  I pray that we as a nation would not forget about this tragedy and these victims in a month or two, but would continue to pray for them, love them, and care for them.   I pray that the focus would be more on the lives of the victims than on the life of the killer – that his tragic act would not be glorified or give him fame.