Buying a New House

Today I settled on a new house.  This came with lots of mixed emotions.  It is exciting to buy a new house and planning for all the changes in the house.  Yet, there are sad feelings about moving on without Scott.  It doesn’t feel right that these steps are only possible because of Scott’s death.  I struggle with the concept of being more secure financially because of Scott’s death.  My dad reminds me that I would be angry with him if he hadn’t planned for the future and we were struggling, that this is exactly why we got life insurance.  My head knows that, but my heart struggles with the reality.  All the things that are happening as we move forward are things that Scott and I dreamed about together.  I would give it all up in a heartbeat to have Scott back, regardless of how tight our finances would be.  I often feel guilty for being excited about the new things happening and moving forward.

Jaelyn is excited about moving and wishing that we were moving now.  However, there is much that I would like to have done to the new house before we move.  There will be lots of cleaning, painting, more painting, and organizing, plus waiting for the heating/AC to be installed, the kitchen upgraded somewhat, and the flooring replaced.  Jaelyn is most excited about getting the yard fenced in, the new playground set, painting her bedroom purple, and getting her bunkbed set up.  It is overwhelming when I think about everything that needs done.  I am trying to break it down into steps in my head and just focusing on the next step that needs to be done.

While I wasn’t intending on moving or even looking for another house until May or June of next year, God’s hand was in this too.  I found out about this house within the week after Scott’s death.  My parents and I looked at the house initially just to get a sense of what would be out there when I decided to look.  After discussing it for a couple of week with my parents, I realized that this house had everything that I wanted.  Since the owner’s parents were living in the house and were on the waiting list for a 55+ community, my dad and I decided to go for a second look and made an offer on the house, with the settlement date open-ended based on when the owner’s parents would get into their 55+ housing.  The owners turned down my first offer.  When my dad and I left, we drove around the Jonestown Elementary school boundaries to see what was available.  This ranch home was the only ranch home available within the boundaries of the elementary school.  After reviewing my budget and discussing it at length with my parents to make sure that I was not making an emotional decision, I decided to increase my offer and it was accepted.  I still was not sure on when settlement would be as I was willing to wait until the owner’s parents were able to move. 

I have felt such peace through this process that I was making the right decision.  Although I have mixed emotions about moving, most of those are from the thought of moving forward without Scott and this was a dream that we had together, although this house wouldn’t have been Scott’s first choice simply because it is not waterfront.  Although after all the flooding in the past year and a half, I find comfort in the fact that it is not waterfront!  Scott would have liked this house a lot once he got past the fact that it wasn’t waterfront.  I am looking forward to find ways to incorporate our memories of Scott into the new home.  In the spring Jaelyn and I have plans to plant a tree or bush in Scott’s memory in the backyard.