Sneaker Waves

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with all of you.”  2 Thessalonians 3:16

 

I recently read a story online about a couple and their son on the west coast that were swept away by “sneaker” waves while trying to save their dog from the waves.  I had never heard of “sneaker” waves before, but when I read the description of them, it struck me how much like grief they are.  When I am at the beach I enjoy walking along the edge of where the waves break on the beach.  Sneaker waves are huge waves that come seemingly out of nowhere and engulf and swallow anything in its path.  The beach on which this family was walking had warnings posted about sneaker waves and not to walk too close to where the waves break on shore due to the danger of being caught off guard and swept out to sea.  I see grief very much as walking along the edge of where the waves break onto the beach, with the waves washing over your feet and ankles – making it more difficult to walk, but not impossible.  After a while you begin to get use to the waves washing over your feet and ankles and get use to walking on the shifting sands and how that feels.  Just about the time you feel like you have adjusted to the shifting sands, a sneaker waves sneaks out of nowhere and just washes you off of your feet and sucks you under.   This is how I feel my grief journey looks.  I am getting use to the shifting sands from the low waves around my feet and ankles and don’t feel as off balance.  Then, without warning a huge wave of emotion comes, often seemingly out of nowhere, and just floods over me, to the point where I feel like I am struggling to keep my head above the water emotionally.  Although the warning signs about waves of grief are talked about, nothing prepares you for the reality of it, and unlike the family that didn’t heed the warnings posted on the beach, in grief these sneaker waves cannot be avoided, simply prepared for. 

Today I went to my first GriefShare group at church. I was disappointed that I am the only one other than the leaders.  I am also grateful that the leaders were willing to hold the group even though I am the only one right now.  It was interesting how controlled and composed I feel most of the time talking with people about Scott and his death, yet the minute I began talking with Ron and Joan Miller, my emotions started flowing. I think it is so much easier letting down the guards and being vulnerable with people who have experienced the same emotions, despite not knowing Ron and Joan prior to Scott’s death.  While I feel that I am grieving in a healthy way, I feel that there are emotions that can only come out by talking to others who have been there or are currently there.  While journaling has definitely helped me express my emotions, it is “easy” to be vulnerable and talk about grief when I’m not looking someone in the face while I’m talking about it.  There is a whole other layer of emotions that come out when talking about the same things face to face with someone than comes out when journaling about them.