Health and Rest

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”  Psalm 62: 5-6

I was reading the daily devotional in my Grief Share Workbook today.  Grief is exhausting and being a single parent is exhausting.  When the two are combined, there are weeks when it takes all the strength I have to make it through the week to the weekend when things usually slow down a little bit.  I must confess that for a while I wasn’t worried about eating healthy or getting exercise.  Simply getting through each week took all the energy that I had. 

I am thankful for my co-workers who are concerned about their own health and getting exercise encouraging me to participate in another Biggest Loser competition at work (I won the last one at work over the summer with a loss of 25 pounds).  I have to admit that when we started a couple of weeks ago, my head was not in it.  I have always been an emotional eater and was struggling to find an alternative coping mechanism.  When talking with my friends about it, they gave me an out, knowing that the holidays were going to be difficult emotionally.  I refused that out, hoping by staying in and doing the weekly weigh-ins, it would make me more aware of my eating and at least keep me from gaining weight through the holidays.  The ironic thing is, by not giving up, I somehow found my motivation to start eating healthy and exercising. 

I am still exhausted at the end of each day.  I do feel healthier despite the tiredness.  Grief has affected my sleep most dramatically.  Ever since Scott died, it is rare for me to go to sleep before midnight and getting up at 6:30 doesn’t allow for enough sleep.  I never liked to go to sleep if Scott wasn’t home and since I was woken up in the middle of the night to be told about Scott’s death, night is definitely not my favorite time of the day. I find myself wanting to avoid sleep at night.  I have no problem sleeping at any other time.   I find myself having to rely on caffeine to get through the day.  I am very conscious of this and trying to cut back, especially since I know that caffeine is not good for Crohn’s disease.  I don’t usually drink caffeine in the evening, so I don’t think this is affecting my ability to sleep.  Once I fall asleep, I usually sleep really well and have a hard time getting up in the morning.  Another unfortunate side effect of lack of sleep is lack of patience, which Jaelyn, unfortunately, gets the brunt of. 

Prayers for me as I struggle with the sleep/nighttime issue would be greatly appreciated.  Prayers would also be helpful that I am able to be consistent with eating healthy, exercising, and decreasing caffeine (which I never use to drink).   I am very thankful for all the prayers that have gone up on our behalf and continue to go up on our behalf.  I truly do not think we would be doing as well as we are without those prayers.