Marriage Vows

I, Lori, take you Scott, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

I’m not sure why, but I have been thinking about our wedding vows today.  I think that it is so easy to make those vows and most people (including myself) think that they are going to be easy to keep.  I learned that keeping those vows was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I know that on our wedding day, there wasn’t a thought of the possibility of being a widow at age 38 with an 8 year old daughter.  I know that there wasn’t a thought of serious illness for me starting in my early 30’s.  I know that there wasn’t a thought of one of us struggling with depression and anxiety.  I know that there wasn’t a thought of the challenges of blending two different lives and two different ways of thinking.  I think that most people say their marriage vows with hope and dreams for a rosy future without major challenges or difficulties.  And I don’t think that there is anything wrong with that.  I know that I had a faith that God would help us through whatever difficulties we would face.  And God has provided that faith and help as needed every step along the way.  I wish that the way at times wouldn’t have been so difficult, but then we wouldn’t have needed the faith to get through.

I look at all the challenges that Scott and I faced in our thirteen and a half years of marriage – chronic serious health issues for me, depression and anxiety for Scott, the death of my brother, financial ups and downs, serious external emotional blows, etc.   I look at the challenges my parents faced in their over forty years of marriage – job strikes, physical injury of my dad, health issues for my mom, my brother’s accident, caring for my brother for 12 years until his death, my mom’s cancer, etc.  I look at the challenges that Scott’s parents faced in their over forty years of marriage – job loss, relocation away from family, loss of parents, illness and cancer with siblings, Scott’s mom’s stroke, Scott’s death, etc.  Yet despite all these challenges, these marriages endured.  Scott and I were always thankful and grateful for the commitment each of our parents had to their marriages.  What a legacy to pass on to Jaelyn.

On our wedding day, if I had known all that we would face both in our marriage and family and in each of our families lives, would I have married Scott?  Without a doubt the answer is yes.  I feel very blessed that Scott was a part of my life and that he is Jaelyn’s father.  Troubles either draw you to together or break you apart.  I think troubles tend to show you the weaknesses and strengths in your relationship.  And like all married couples, we had weaknesses and strengths in our relationship.  I am glad that our strengths pulled us together and allowed us to work on the weaknesses, instead of allowing the weaknesses to pull us apart.   I am thankful that in both of our families I have seen closer family relationships come out of hardship, difficulties, and sorrow. 

When I read those vows, I have a very hard time reading the final phrase, “until death do us part.”  I cannot fathom moving past that phrase yet.  That means facing a future without Scott.  I don’t think most people think seriously about those words on their wedding day and yet they are just as serious as the rest of the words.  Those words imply that the marriage ends at the moment of death and yet in my heart our marriage has not ended.  These vows are still so important to me.