Someone is Missing

Someone is missing.

Wednesday night I decided to get out the Christmas tree and the Christmas decorations, since I knew that our weekend was going to be busy.  When I went searching for the boxes in the garage, I couldn’t find them at first.  Then I found one large plastic storage bin, on the top of the highest shelf.  I found a ladder and climbed up to get it down.  Within seconds, the bin slipped out of my hands and fell on my head.  I managed to get the bin down to the floor.  I located the other bin in another part of the garage on top of some kitchen cupboards installed on the wall for storage – had to stand on the countertop to reach that bin.  I wanted to just sit down and cry.  Scott was always the one to bring the Christmas decorations into the house from the garage and put them away once I was done decorating.  He never liked to help with the decorating, but he certainly made things much easier for me. 

 Two people were missing from the table at Thanksgiving.  It is hard to get use to only having four people around the table, not five or six.  It does not feel like a family get-together without Scott and Jason.  They would have really enjoyed each other’s sense of humor.  I was always sad that Scott never got to know Jason before his accident.  I have grown accustomed to Jason’s absence as it has been nine and a half years since his death.  Scott’s absence was really hard for me. I would have loved to hear him tease my mom about forgetting the sugar in the pumpkin pies.  It didn’t feel right going for a walk, taking the dogs, and no Scott.  Jaelyn seemed to have a really good day – I think she has become accustomed to being at my parent’s house, just her and I without Scott since his death.  In some ways I think this made it harder for me as I felt like I really needed to keep my emotions under control as I didn’t want to bring her down. 

Someone was missing from the Bradley get-together today.  I enjoy spending time with the Bradley family, yet spending time with them highlights that Scott is not here.   I really miss Scott’s quirky and unique sense of humor.  I miss hearing his laugh echo with the rest of the Bradleys.  I kept expecting to look over and see Scott lounging in one of the arm chairs in the living room.  He always enjoyed being with his family.  Scott would have gotten everyone playing cards, going for a walk, or doing something outside – no matter how cold and windy it was.  Scott would have really looked forward to seeing our nephew, Nando, who was home from college for Thanksgiving.  Instead, I brought Scott’s bike down to Shippensburg to pass it on to Nando.  It means a lot to be able to give it to Nando, since I know that he will use it and value it because it was Scott’s bike. 

I miss him so much.