Lori's Rambling

This year's scholarship winner is Kyla Ebersole!  Congratulations Kyla!! This morning was the 9th Annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life Scholarship presentation.  It is really hard to believe that I have been presenting this scholarship for 9 years and that it will soon be 10 years since Scott's death.   I hate speaking in front of large groups of people, but every year it is special to be able to take a moment to remember Scott's life and speak into the current high school graduates from our church.  I was particularly anxious this morning since I haven't presented the scholarship since 2019 due to COVID in 2020 and another commitment in 2021 on Youth Sunday.  God always settles my nerves once I am up front for the most part, but today God's calmness took over completely once I was up front.  I am thankful for the various people who were praying for calmness for me. Below is what I shared with this year's graduates. From the time that I met Scott, he had a...

This evening as I process the news of the sudden death of one of my college professors, my mind is swirling with memories. I first met Dr. Fairman in a new student orientation class in January 1994 when I transferred into Lancaster Bible College.  There were only about 8-10 students in that class and he made that class fun.  Dr. Fairman had such a terrific sense of humor and a great laugh, one that I still hear in my mind whenever I think of him.  Later on I had him for Bible classes as well.  Dr. Fairman was more than “just” one of my professors.  Because my job in college was in the Registrar’s office, which was in the same area as the Academic Dean and all the professors’ offices, I had an opportunity to know Dr. Fairman other than as a student in his classes.  I spent a lot of time hanging out in his office before or after work just talking.  Dr. Fairman was interested in really knowing people.  He didn’t settle for just the superficial, he wa...

August 10, 2012  — A date that will forever be etched in my memory.  A date that was the most live altering day of my life so far.  In the past nine years, we have learned to live without Scott’s physical presence in our lives, although it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Something that if someone had told me beforehand was going to happen, I would have said I/we could not handle.  I have heard that God doesn’t send you anything that you can’t handle.  I would disagree with that — God doesn’t send anything that HE can’t handle.  It is only by the grace and strength of God that we have not only made it through the past nine years, but, dare I say, thrived.  That is not to deny the rough patches and how hard it truly was, but when I look at Jaelyn all I can do is thank God that He brought us BOTH through so far with grace and strength.  This past year I think has been one of the hardest of the nine and I know there will be ...

Today was the 8th annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship presentation.  Last year I was not able to be there for the presentation due to changes as a result of COVID.  Unfortunately I was not able to be there for the presentation this year due to another commitment.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to write some thoughts that were shared during the presentation.  I am including those thoughts below, but the above lifestream from our church has the scholarship presentation starting around the 40:28 mark. Congratulations to Emma Hasting! “Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, ‘Do not imagine that you in the king’s palace can escape any more than all the Jews. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?’” Esther 4:13-14 (NASB) Every year as the time approaches for the pres...

As I sit here thinking back on 2020 during the last few hours of the year, there are lots of things that come to mind.  Clearly this has been an unusual year to say the least with lots of uncertainties and huge national and world changes.  A lot of things seem to be a holding pattern pending control of COVID and a return to normalcy.  Yet when I look back I see a lot of growth and positives things coming out of this year.  Challenges have a way of forcing us to grow and change our way of thinking.   We added Piper to our family in May.  I had been telling Jaelyn for a couple of years that we weren’t getting another dog and if/when we did, I wanted one that didn’t shed as much as Trip and was a fairly quiet low-key dog.  But in the midst of quarantine and seeing the effects of this on Jaelyn and myself, those thoughts began to change.  When I saw Piper’s picture and information on a rescue site, I scrolled past and kept coming back to her picture...

8 years.  There are days that it seems like we have lived a lifetime since Scott died. . . .and there are days that it feels like just yesterday and I find myself reliving the moment I found out and reliving the phone calls to tell family and friends.  Reliving the planning of his funeral and figuring out how life was going to work without him in it.  All of it a blur and yet so crystal clear at the same time - parts I will never forget the details and other parts that I don’t remember the details but others do. Days where I remember feeling split in two over grieving the loss and trying to help Jaelyn in her grief as well.   Anniversaries take me back to those moments and raw emotions. I remember faces that stand out and words that stand out from those first days and months — a hug from someone who had walked the same path a few years before and no words were necessary, a friend simply handing me a tissue box and telling me it was okay to cry when I told her that I ...

This is the 7th annual presentation of the Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship.  Normally this would be presented during our youth Sunday honoring our graduates.  As this year has been anything but normal, things have been done differently this year and the scholarship was presented at the Senior picnic on June 17th, 2020.  There were two winners this year:  Juliette Forry and Kyle Myer.  Congratulations to both of you! This is what I shared with the winners of this year's scholarship.   Normally I would have the chance to share with you and your fellow graduates face to face some of the thoughts laid on my heart by God.  But as you have already realized this year is anything but normal.  There are many memes, cartoons, and shirts floating out there declaring this class the Quarantine class.  And certainly the way this year has gone will affect the way you see and think about things for years to come.   But my hope for you ...

Anyone who knew Scott, knew that he was passionate about kayaking.  One of his favorite experiences kayaking was at the beach when he was in the ocean and had dolphins jumping around him.  Scott was most at home in his kayak and always said that he felt closest to God when he was kayaking. I have held onto Scott’s kayak since his death almost 8 years ago as it was his most treasured possession.  A few years ago I had decided to sell it, but was unable to find anyone interested and able to handle it comfortably as Scott’s kayak is a hybrid kayak not designed for a beginner.   Getting back to kayaking has been a journey for me that started a few years ago with getting Jaelyn her first adult kayak.  When we bought Jaelyn’s kayak, Scott’s kayak was moved under our back porch.  This week when we were relocating all our kayaks to hang under our porch together, Jaelyn asked if she could use her dad’s kayak so her best friend, Cheyenne, could use Jaelyn’s ...

This picture always reminds me of how much Scott loved Jaelyn and was willing to do whatever it took for her to do something she wanted to do.   See, soccer was pretty much the only sport that Scott didn’t play when he was growing up.  He began learning the rules watching our nephew and niece play before Jaelyn began playing.  When the YMCA needed a coach for Jaelyn’s team, despite not feeling capable or confident, Scott stepped up and volunteered to coach her team.  The YMCA provided a packet of the soccer rules for their age as well as suggested drills to do in practice.  I just found that packet today when I was going through and clearing out clutter.  The packet brought to mind the conversation that Jaelyn and I had last weekend.   We were talking about this season, her freshman year, and the challenges that she faced coming into the season - knee pain and not feeling 100% and feeling intimidated playing at the high school level. ...

When this scholarship was established back in 2014, it was with the purpose of recognizing an adventurous spirit who takes many steps of faith throughout their youth career, including steps of faith in living out their walk with God, steps of faith in stepping up in leadership, and steps of faith in trying new things.    This year as I thought and prayed about the presentation and what to share,  God kept bringing Molli Colver to mind. In the world’s eyes both Scott and Molli were taken way too young.  Yet the impact of both their lives will be felt for eternity because of who they lived for.  In the celebration of life service for Molli and the stories and writing prompts that were shared, it was quickly evident who Molli was, who she lived for, and how to accept the gift of salvation.   I can’t think of a better way to describe a life well-lived - one that points others to Christ.  Molli understood that as Christians we are called to ...

47.  Today you would have been 47 years old.  You left us 6 1/2 years ago without warning.  While I take comfort in the fact that there is no sadness in heaven, I am sad for the moments and memories we “lost” with you and that you “lost” with us.  There is not a soccer game or significant event or accomplishment in Jaelyn’s life that I don’t think of you with sadness that you are “missing out.”    This is a time in her life that you would would have loved — watching her play soccer, winning awards at school, and growing into a beautiful young lady inside and out.  You would be busting out with pride of who Jaelyn is and her journey to get here, especially despite the trauma of losing you.  She has not allowed your loss to define who she is.  As much as I grieve the fact that Jaelyn doesn’t have you, I grieve the fact that you aren’t here to enjoy her growing up and maturing.  I remind her often of how much you loved her, protected h...

In June of 2012, we organized family pictures with Scott’s family, knowing that once our nephew, Nando, left for college in August it might be difficult to get everyone together at the same time, but not knowing that in a short six weeks Scott would be gone.  Those family pictures have been a tremendous treasure for all of us, as well as a reminder of the uncertainty of life.   I have regretted that we never did family pictures with my family before Scott’s death.  I think that one of the reasons we never did it was because of my brother, Jason, no longer being with us and any family picture would be incomplete.  After Scott’s death, this was even more the case, with both Scott and Jason gone.   About a year and a half ago, it really began to hit home that the longer we waited, the more likelihood that more loved ones could be missing from the pictures.  So for Christmas of 2017 Jaelyn and I gave my parents a gift certificate to have family pic...

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Because my mom had breast cancer 23 years ago, I have been having mammograms done since 2007, at the age of 34.  This year I am 44, the same age as when my mom was diagnosed.  I have mostly been consistent with getting the mammograms done, with two gaps of a couple years and a few gaps of a year and a half in those 11 years.   I had my yearly mammogram done last Friday, 13 months after my last one. I remember thinking when I went that I was the same age as when my mom received her diagnosis and having a feeling that this year I would get a call back for additional scans.  When I checked the online portal on Monday evening for the results (first time that I had setup the portal for PennState Health), not expecting the results to be there yet, I found that unfortunately my feeling was correct.  The report indicated a change in one of the scans of the right breast as compared to the last three mammograms and a re...

My brother, Jason, was an extremely talented young man when it came to mechanics and vehicles.  He had his first car and had rebuilt the engine the first time by his 13th birthday.  He knew from a young age what he wanted to do with his life.  By the time he was 18, he was working full-time as a machinist and had completely redone his car - both engine and body.  He had bought a truck and rebuilt the engine and had started working on redoing the body.  His car and truck were his pride and joy. And then the unexpected happened — he was severely injured in a work accident which left him in a coma and in the hospital and rehab for a year before my parents were able to bring him home with round the clock nursing care.  Because his car and truck were his pride and joy and so much of his blood, sweat, and tears were poured into them, our family couldn’t think of parting with them.  He never recovered from his injuries and was left significantly disabled...

As we come up on 6 years this Friday since Scott died, I find that I am more aware of and grieving more for what Jaelyn has lost.  I find myself being more observant of father/daughter or father/child moments that remind me of Scott’s relationship with Jaelyn and what she has lost.  This morning in church, a young family came in with their two year old little boy (who we have enjoyed spending time with him in the nursery once a month for the past year).  His father was carrying a Turkey Hill slushy and for all of those who knew Scott well, you know that he was “addicted” to Turkey Hill slushies.  It was touching to watch him kneel down and share spoonfuls of the slushy with his little boy.  Jaelyn was a little bit older when Scott developed his slushy addiction, but it was exactly what I could picture Scott doing with Jaelyn if she had been that age.  I leaned over and told Jaelyn what I was thinking as I love those moments when it is a visual picture in f...

Today was the presentation of the fifth annual Scott Bradley Adventurous Life scholarship.  The scholarship winner is chosen each year through vote of the youth and youth leaders based on criteria of living a life of faith and adventure. Each year I find out who the winner or winners (there was a tie one year) are just before the presentation.  Coming from a rather large church, some years I am familiar with the name and face of the winner and some years I am not.   It is always interesting to hear from Pastor Marc a little bit about each winner and what makes them special.   This morning when Pastor Marc told me that the winner this year is Alex Almer and that he had shared his testimony in the Easter program, I immediately understood what made Alex special.   I am glad that I had the honor of hearing Alex's story and testimony during the Easter program.  It was not a surprise to me having heard his testimony when Pastor Marc told me that Alex had w...

For those of you who have followed our journey over the five and a half years since Scott’s death, you will remember that our concern was to make sure that Jaelyn’s heart was healthy and that she was receiving preventative screenings since we weren’t 100% sure of what caused the severe blockages in Scott’s arteries.  We decided, in consultation with Jaelyn’s pediatrician, to wait a little over a year after Scott’s death to complete the first screening for Jaelyn, in an effort to be more removed emotionally from the trauma of his death.  So, four years ago when Jaelyn went through her first Cardiology screening, both Jaelyn and I were anxious about it.  She was anxious because of new doctors, unusual (to her) tests, and bloodwork.  Although I think the bloodwork was the biggest fear due to her very strong aversion to needles.  I was anxious that something would show up on the tests or bloodwork.  Jaelyn made it through the bloodwork with the support of Gran...

This morning I felt drawn to go to the cemetery.  I have never been to the cemetery on Easter day, although I come to the cemetery regularly in the 5 1/2+ years since Scott died.   Seeing all the palm leaf and floral crosses and fresh spring flowers against the starkness of the bare trees, brown grass, stone grave stones, and grey skies is a vivid reminder of the joy to come when I see Christ and my loved ones face to face.  I think of Scott and Jason, with hope for the day that there will no longer be sadness when I think of them.  Rather we will be celebrating with Christ together.   Seeing the sheer volume of spring flowers and crosses on scattered graves (as compared to an ordinary day), as well as the number of people still coming to place flowers and crosses on the graves is amazing to me.  I truly was not expecting to see what I saw this morning. Today is one of the busiest days I have ever seen (other than Christmas) at the cemetery.  It ...

Even though this is our sixth Christmas without Scott, there is still a part of me that dreads Christmas.  —  Shouldn’t I “just be over it already?” — I have heard this comment made a few times to or about others this Christmas season.  Honestly, it breaks my heart.  It doesn’t matter how many years it has been, I will always miss Scott at Christmas and there are parts of the Christmas season that will always be difficult.  Yes, I will laugh and enjoy time with family, but I will also grieve the fact that Scott is not there to enjoy it.  Scott loved family get-togethers - eating, laughing, and playing games together with those he loved — and those get-togethers highlight the fact that he is missing.  Are my emotions as raw as the first year or two?  No, but that is not necessarily the case for everyone.  I will say that year five was almost as difficult as year one for me personally.  I try to take each day as it comes and work hard to ...

In the last two years especially of Jaelyn playing soccer, I grieve the fact that Scott isn’t here to enjoy this season of Jaelyn’s life.  He would have loved seeing her play and taken great pride in her ability and sportsmanship.  He would have been that loud parent on the side-line!  Although soccer was the one sport that Scott didn’t play growing up and despite his doubts in his ability to coach a sport he hadn’t played, Scott coached the last soccer team (indoor at the YMCA) Jaelyn played on before his death.  At that point we had no idea whether Jaelyn would stick with soccer and how much she would excel and come to love the sport.  When Scott died I worried that she would give up the sport because it reminded her of her dad — and in the beginning that wasn’t a good thing.  She did want to give up the first season (practices for that season actually began the week of Scott’s death) after he died, but I wouldn’t allow her to quit.  That first ...