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Someone is Missing at Christmas

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So, this is our third Christmas since Scott’s death.  I thought that each year would get easier.  In so many ways it is the opposite.  I didn’t expect it to be harder.  I still see things and think, “oh, Scott would like that” or “oh, that would be a good gift idea for Scott.”  I still avoid the men’s departments in stores as I cannot walk through or past them without thinking about clothing he would like or would have needed.  Scott rarely felt the need to buy clothing for himself.  I bought most of his clothing just so I wasn’t embarrassed by the condition of his clothing.  (He lived in t-shirts and shorts anywhere he could get away with it, and even some places that it wasn’t quite socially appropriate.) The holidays bring a heightened sense of loss as everything is about family and thinking of or doing things with your loved ones. I think of my aunt, who is facing her first Christmas since my uncle’s death right after Christmas last yea...
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Sneaker Waves

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.   The Lord be with all of you.”   2 Thessalonians 3:16   I recently read a story online about a couple and their son on the west coast that were swept away by “sneaker” waves while trying to save their dog from the waves.   I had never heard of “sneaker” waves before, but when I read the description of them, it struck me how much like grief they are.   When I am at the beach I enjoy walking along the edge of where the waves break on the beach.   Sneaker waves are huge waves that come seemingly out of nowhere and engulf and swallow anything in its path.   The beach on which this family was walking had warnings posted about sneaker waves and not to walk too close to where the waves break on shore due to the danger of being caught off guard and swept out to sea.   I see grief very much as walking along the edge of where the waves break onto the beach, with the ...
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Marriage Vows

I, Lori, take you Scott, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. I’m not sure why, but I have been thinking about our wedding vows today.   I think that it is so easy to make those vows and most people (including myself) think that they are going to be easy to keep.   I learned that keeping those vows was one of the hardest things I have ever done.   I know that on our wedding day, there wasn’t a thought of the possibility of being a widow at age 38 with an 8 year old daughter.   I know that there wasn’t a thought of serious illness for me starting in my early 30’s.   I know that there wasn’t a thought of one of us struggling with depression and anxiety.   I know that there wasn’t a thought of the challenges of blending two different lives and two different ways of thinking.   I th...
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