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47 years

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47.  Today you would have been 47 years old.  You left us 6 1/2 years ago without warning.  While I take comfort in the fact that there is no sadness in heaven, I am sad for the moments and memories we “lost” with you and that you “lost” with us.  There is not a soccer game or significant event or accomplishment in Jaelyn’s life that I don’t think of you with sadness that you are “missing out.”    This is a time in her life that you would would have loved — watching her play soccer, winning awards at school, and growing into a beautiful young lady inside and out.  You would be busting out with pride of who Jaelyn is and her journey to get here, especially despite the trauma of losing you.  She has not allowed your loss to define who she is.  As much as I grieve the fact that Jaelyn doesn’t have you, I grieve the fact that you aren’t here to enjoy her growing up and maturing.  I remind her often of how much you loved her, protected h...
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Nine years

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August 10, 2012  — A date that will forever be etched in my memory.  A date that was the most live altering day of my life so far.  In the past nine years, we have learned to live without Scott’s physical presence in our lives, although it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Something that if someone had told me beforehand was going to happen, I would have said I/we could not handle.  I have heard that God doesn’t send you anything that you can’t handle.  I would disagree with that — God doesn’t send anything that HE can’t handle.  It is only by the grace and strength of God that we have not only made it through the past nine years, but, dare I say, thrived.  That is not to deny the rough patches and how hard it truly was, but when I look at Jaelyn all I can do is thank God that He brought us BOTH through so far with grace and strength.  This past year I think has been one of the hardest of the nine and I know there will be ...
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Always a Journey

8 years.  There are days that it seems like we have lived a lifetime since Scott died. . . .and there are days that it feels like just yesterday and I find myself reliving the moment I found out and reliving the phone calls to tell family and friends.  Reliving the planning of his funeral and figuring out how life was going to work without him in it.  All of it a blur and yet so crystal clear at the same time - parts I will never forget the details and other parts that I don’t remember the details but others do. Days where I remember feeling split in two over grieving the loss and trying to help Jaelyn in her grief as well.   Anniversaries take me back to those moments and raw emotions. I remember faces that stand out and words that stand out from those first days and months — a hug from someone who had walked the same path a few years before and no words were necessary, a friend simply handing me a tissue box and telling me it was okay to cry when I told her that I ...
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