Touch

Touch – I always knew that touch was important to having a feeling of connection with someone, but I am realizing just how important it is just for well-being.  When I sit and look at pictures scrolling through on our digital picture frame, as I see pictures of Scott, I find myself craving and trying to remember the feel of Scott’s hand in mine, listening for the sound of his heartbeat with my head on his chest, remembering running my hand over the top of his head after cutting his hair, the touch of his lips on mine.  I even miss those moments when he was sweaty and smelly, giving me sweaty hugs or wiping his sweat on me.  I have found out how much I took for granted all the little moments in life.  It is not just the companionship that I miss, but all the little things that combined create a picture of our marriage.  I can certainly understand why some widows/widowers marry again quickly as there are days when the loss of all the little things that make up a marriage is just overwhelming.  That said, for me, I cannot imagine anyone other than Scott providing all those little things in my life.

 Scott was such a unique and special person and brought something so special to my life.  I know I didn’t always recognize that and express it to Scott like I should have.  Such a huge part of grief for me is dealing with the regrets – things I wish I had done better, things I wish I had done, and things I wish I hadn’t taken for granted.  Recognizing these things when there is no chance to improve or correct them is truly difficult.   Everyone talks about the importance of not taking things for granted and I was no different from everyone.  Unfortunately, it takes being faced with the loss of one of the most important people in my life to truly realize how all the “commonplace” things of life are truly important and should be treasured.