Death and Hope

Sitting in the Veteran’s Memorial at the cemetery, listening to the chimes ring out a song on the hour.  There are not too many more peaceful things than the sun shining, the birds singing, and the bells chiming.  Again I didn’t walk back to Scott’s grave because every time I come to the cemetery, there is work being done close by so there would be no privacy.  It is really frustrating that I haven’t been at his grave since right before Christmas, although I have been at the cemetery.  I appreciate all the work that is put in to making the cemetery beautiful, but wish that it didn’t always seem to have to be in that particular section every time I stop by.  I thought that with today being Good Friday that no one would be working – but I was wrong. 

There are signs of new life everywhere – buds on trees, crews planting new trees and shrubbery.  Yet my heart is heavy as I’m sure Jesus’ followers were on this day thousands of years ago.  Easter brings hope, but is also a time of sorrow since we were married Easter Weekend 14 years ago, although our anniversary is not Easter Weekend this year. 

Being at the Veteran’s Memorial brings such peace for me.  The appearance of a bombed out cathedral with new life and beauty growing inside give hope – of beauty out of ashes, calm after the war, and the presence of God.  When sitting in the Memorial, the walls block out the outside world and the only direction you can look is up to the skies.  Maybe this is why I crave time at the Memorial – it forces me to look up, see and experience what God has made and provided.  I am looking forward to seeing the trees with leaves and the fountains running again as the weather warms up. 

It may seem odd to some people that I can see hope and renewal at a cemetery, yet it is a calm and quiet place, away from people, the hustle and bustle, and technology.  Time seems to slow down when I am there and I can think more clearly in the quiet and the calm.  This has been one of the hardest years of my life, yet I see positive change in Jaelyn’s growth emotionally and spiritually as well as my own.  That is what gives me hope for the future – that we can keep moving forward.  Not forgetting Scott, never forgetting him,  but finding a way to keep him close, honor his memory, but continue to live life as he would have wanted us to do.