Lori's Rambling

Today is one of those down days.  It is beautiful outside, yet I lack the energy or the motivation to do something outside, much less inside.  I suppose that waking up with a severe headache certainly contributed to feeling down today.  Thankfully it has mostly subsided.  I find myself taking the time to think back over our vacation – this was the first one (other than trips to the cabin) since Scott’s death.  We were so busy going and doing that I didn’t have much time to think about the moments that I marked in my memory, moments when Scott’s absence was so obvious and painful.  A majority of those moments were times of missing Scott for Jaelyn.  Playing tennis and pool with her -- both games that Scott was good at and I only know the basics -- and missing Scott’s patience in teaching her how to hold and improve her swing with a tennis racket or how to hold a pool cue and line up the ball to the pockets brought sadness to my heart.  I think...

So, yesterday was Father’s Day.  As I’m sure you can imagine, this day brings such mixed emotions for Jaelyn and I.  I am beyond grateful for the wonderful father that I have.  He has been there for me whenever I have needed him.  He has never hesitated, even now, to let me know if he thought I needed correction or redirection.    Anytime I need or want help with a project, help with getting something repaired, need advice, or just need a hug, I know that he is there and will help or support me in any way that he can. Yet, as you can imagine, I grieve for Jaelyn that her father is no longer here to fill that role for her.  Scott was a wonderful father to Jaelyn.  He loved to spend time with her, share his love of the outdoors and sports with her, and play with her.  This loss has been a huge loss for Jaelyn.  I see so clearly how she craves that father figure.   She may not consciously realize how much she craves it, ...

There are a lot of thought floating in my head this weekend, calling out to put on paper.  So, this is my second post today – rather than combine my convoluted thoughts into one post. This weekend I had a picnic with friends at my house.  One of our friends asked me to make my salsa for the picnic.  There was such a mixture of feelings when I got his email with the request.   Scott asked me to make my salsa more than any other recipe or food item I have ever made for him.  I had not made it since before his death, until this weekend.  I wasn’t sure I would ever make it again – it is so connected with Scott in my mind.  Scott would always help me make it – chopping the onions for me since I can’t chop onions without crying my eyes out—and was always my taste tester.  I took a short-cut when I made it this weekend and bought pre-cut onions and peppers at the store.  I truly thought that I would cry my way through making it.  ...

“Grief walked into your heart and created room for your soul to grow.  In that space, your soul has been, and is being, strengthened.”   -- “Second Firsts” by Christina Rasmussen This quote is from a book on surviving and thriving after life-changing grief.  While this book is written from a psychological and scientific point of view, rather than a Biblical point of view, there are many points that are very much in line with the Biblical point of view.  In the last six to eight weeks I have been thinking back over the past twenty two months since Scott’s death and the recent death of my grandma.  This quote is certainly true, although I have to admit that it jarred me a bit when I first read it.  I still struggle with the thought of good coming from a death, although the other side of that is we want something good to come out of a death as if to make the life worthwhile.  I think it is much easier for me to accept the thought of good coming o...

And the winner is. . . .  Emily Long.  Emily Long is the very first recipient of the Scott Bradley “Life is an Adventure” scholarship.    It was such an honor and a blessing to present the scholarship this morning to Emily. After Pastor Marc shared a little bit about Emily, her character, and her faith with me this past week, it felt very fitting that she be the first recipient.  Emily volunteered her time to provide childcare at Scott’s funeral for family and friends traveling from out of the area.  She is set to attend Lancaster Bible College in the fall – my alma mater.  In the four or five weeks since I agreed to be a part of the scholarship I have been agonizing over what to share this morning.   After many scribbling and crossing out of words and sentences, I finally had something in writing by Wednesday night this past week.  I put it aside and didn’t think about it again until last night.  After re-reading what...

Yesterday was eleven years since my brother, Jason, died.  Eleven years since he traded a painful, broken and limited human body for the healthy, painless and whole heavenly body.  Twelve years he persevered, kept the faith, and touched lives in that painful and broken human body.  Our family has grieved his accident, his death, and the 12 years of changed life in between.  Jason’s determination, faith, and outreach to shut-ins has touched so many lives, despite his inability to talk verbally for those 12 years.  Jason always had a tender heart, but this was much more evident when his heart was the only completely whole and correctly functioning part of his body.  From time to time I think about what life might have been like if the accident had not occurred.  Would Jaelyn have other cousins running around?  How large would our family get-togethers be?  I often think about how much Jason would have enjoyed Jaelyn, yet he never got to...

For the past ten weeks, I have been part of a women’s Bible study focused on learning the Biblical and God designed role for women.  The ultimate God designed role of women is to bring glory to God.  I can truly say that I cannot think about my Grandma without also thinking about God.  Now I know that my Grandma was not perfect, but in my eyes growing up and still to this day, she was and is the “perfect” representation of a Christian woman.  She was a gentle and caring woman who lived simply and was content with what God provided.  She did not complain and I don't remember ever hearing her raise her voice.  You could not know my Grandma without seeing the evidence of her close walk with her Lord.  I have never doubted or questioned her daily prayers for me, her family, her friends, her church, and the world.  She was mission-minded.  She lived on little and gave much.  My Grandma did not have an easy life – losing her mother an...