Strength

“Grief walked into your heart and created room for your soul to grow.  In that space, your soul has been, and is being, strengthened.”  -- “Second Firsts” by Christina Rasmussen

This quote is from a book on surviving and thriving after life-changing grief.  While this book is written from a psychological and scientific point of view, rather than a Biblical point of view, there are many points that are very much in line with the Biblical point of view.

 In the last six to eight weeks I have been thinking back over the past twenty two months since Scott’s death and the recent death of my grandma.  This quote is certainly true, although I have to admit that it jarred me a bit when I first read it.  I still struggle with the thought of good coming from a death, although the other side of that is we want something good to come out of a death as if to make the life worthwhile.  I think it is much easier for me to accept the thought of good coming out of Scott’s death for other people.  When I think about personal good coming out of Scott’s death, if feels as if I am benefitting from Scott’s death, which causes me to feel awful.  Yet I have grown as a person and in my relationship with God in struggling to find my way through all of it.

 I think of weightlifting – in order to build your muscles, you need to lift heavier and heavier weights.  Well, in grief, the weights that I have lifted have strengthened me.  I know that I have changed significantly in the process.  This blog is evidence of that.  I could not have imagined this ministry that God has placed into me nor could I have imagined how open and vulnerable He would ask me to be.  I have found strength, with God’s help, to continue to move forward and provide peace, security, and stability for Jaelyn.  There are still days when I stall in the process and even move backward, but there is still gradual and steady progress forward.  I’m beginning to have dreams for the future for myself, as well as both Jaelyn and I.  Dreams that may or may not ever come to pass, but if there is one thing I learned from Scott, is that it is important to dream.  Dreams open up your soul to the even bigger dreams that God may have in store.