Lori's Rambling

Today, after dropping Jaelyn off for a sleepover, I drove to the cemetery.  It was the first time that I have been there this Christmas season since the laying of the wreaths.  It was absolutely beautiful.   As I parked in front of the section where Scott is buried, I noticed that there were a few other people scattered throughout that section.  One couple was standing in front of a stone in the general vicinity of Scott’s grave.  It often takes me a few minutes to find Scott’s grave each time as every time I go, there are more graves added in his section.  As I began walking slowly back toward where I thought Scott’s grave was, I hesitated a little, not wanting to disturb this couple’s privacy.  Yet as I drew near I heard the most beautiful sound.  The gentleman of the couple was singing an absolutely beautiful and touching song.  His voice was deep and clear, ringing out over the graves.  He sang as if he was standing on a st...

I have been debating writing this post for about 24 hours, as I don’t want to turn the focus to me or take the focus away from grieving for my uncle.   While my uncle’s death was not unexpected after an eighteen month-long battle with pancreatic cancer, the impact of hearing the news from my mom felt like ripping a scab off of a scar.  I have had many crying spells since hearing the news.  My mom and I had discussed this type of situation when Scott died, that she felt like they were not only grieving Scott’s death, but grieving all over again for my brother’s death ten years earlier.  I understood what she was saying, even though my thoughts and grief were all with Scott’s death.  Yesterday I fully understood what she meant.   As I shared with a friend last night, I believe that my uncle’s death exposed those raw feelings that I was too numb to feel at the time of Scott’s death.  This is the first funeral of a family member or frien...

As I was checking headlines on Yahoo tonight, Jaelyn was looking over my shoulder.  She was looking at the topic links running down the left side of the website.  Her eyes stopped at a particular topic and she told me that I needed to click on that one.  That one just happened to be two hearts with the title “dating.”  Jaelyn asked me if I was ever going to date.  Caught a little bit off guard, it took me a moment to respond.  I answered, that I thought that I might, but wasn’t at the moment.  Jaelyn responded that two of her friends keep asking her when her mommy was going to start dating.  Curious, I asked her if she wanted me to date.  She shrugged her shoulders and answered that she didn’t know.  I asked her if she didn’t want me to date.  Again, she shrugged her shoulders and answered that she didn’t know. I realized that this is probably a difficult question for her to answer as she doesn’t know what dating someone would ...

I started a new devotional book today – A Daily Woman’s Devotional.  Today’s devotional was on encouragement.  Hebrews 3:13 – “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today.”  A few things really caught my attention as I was reading it. Encouragement is fuel for the soul.  God puts us in places and situations with people whose lives we can impact with the simplest of phrases.  Don’t miss the opportunity. One of the thought provoking questions at the end asked, “who has been an encouragement to you?”  “Have you let them know?”  These questions started me thinking over the past sixteen months in particular since Scott’s death.  There have been so many people who have been an encouragement to me.  I have tried to let you know if you have been an encouragement with a timely word or thought, but I know that I have missed thanking many people.   There have been many times when a simple word or thought shared...

Tonight I picked up a book that I had read many years ago, before Jaelyn was born –“Things Unseen” by Mark Buchanan.  If there is one longing that death has placed in me, it is to be more heavenly minded.  There is a stronger desire for heaven when a loved one is there.  A few passages in the book caught my attention in the first two chapters that I read tonight. “Heavenly-mindedness is sanity.  It allows us to endure life’s agonies without despair.  It allows us to see things from the widest possible perspective and in the truest possible proportions.” I cannot begin to imagine the despair and depression that I would have without the hope of heaven.  This life would feel so pointless without the hope and promise of something better. “Our deepest instinct is heaven.  Heaven is the ache in our bones, the splinter in our heart.  Like the whisper of faraway waves we hear crashing in the whorls of a conch shell, the music of heaven echoes, fain...

Tonight I felt pulled to go back and read what I had blogged a year ago.  The post from December 2, 2012 was about sneaker waves.  I recently read a story online about a couple and their son on the west coast that were swept away by “sneaker” waves while trying to save their dog from the waves.  I had never heard of “sneaker” waves before, but when I read the description of them, it struck me how much like grief they are.  When I am at the beach I enjoy walking along the edge of where the waves break on the beach.  Sneaker waves are huge waves that come seemingly out of nowhere and engulf and swallow anything in its path.  The beach on which this family was walking had warnings posted about sneaker waves and not to walk too close to where the waves break on shore due to the danger of being caught off guard and swept out to sea.  I see grief very much as walking along the edge of where the waves break onto the beach, with the waves washing over you...