Grief Shared

I have been debating writing this post for about 24 hours, as I don’t want to turn the focus to me or take the focus away from grieving for my uncle.  

While my uncle’s death was not unexpected after an eighteen month-long battle with pancreatic cancer, the impact of hearing the news from my mom felt like ripping a scab off of a scar.  I have had many crying spells since hearing the news.  My mom and I had discussed this type of situation when Scott died, that she felt like they were not only grieving Scott’s death, but grieving all over again for my brother’s death ten years earlier.  I understood what she was saying, even though my thoughts and grief were all with Scott’s death.  Yesterday I fully understood what she meant. 

 As I shared with a friend last night, I believe that my uncle’s death exposed those raw feelings that I was too numb to feel at the time of Scott’s death.  This is the first funeral of a family member or friend since Scott’s death.   I am concerned about managing my emotions at my uncle’s funeral; yet I will be there.  I can understand what they are going through and I know how important it was to see all our family and friends as a reflection of how much they loved and missed Scott and loved Jaelyn and me.  I know that for me, it was so comforting to see those who had suffered a similar loss.  It made me feel not so alone in the crowd and that someone understood exactly what I was feeling and going through.

In debating whether or not to write this post, I felt led to write it so that those supporting the family recognize that intense grief can flare up years after a death and that this is normal, even healthy as part of the healing process.    So, in praying for family and friends, please don’t forget to pray for those attending who have lost someone previously.  You never know what pain may be resurrected as a result.