God Sightings

Tonight I felt pulled to go back and read what I had blogged a year ago.  The post from December 2, 2012 was about sneaker waves.

 I recently read a story online about a couple and their son on the west coast that were swept away by “sneaker” waves while trying to save their dog from the waves.  I had never heard of “sneaker” waves before, but when I read the description of them, it struck me how much like grief they are.  When I am at the beach I enjoy walking along the edge of where the waves break on the beach.  Sneaker waves are huge waves that come seemingly out of nowhere and engulf and swallow anything in its path.  The beach on which this family was walking had warnings posted about sneaker waves and not to walk too close to where the waves break on shore due to the danger of being caught off guard and swept out to sea.  I see grief very much as walking along the edge of where the waves break onto the beach, with the waves washing over your feet and ankles – making it more difficult to walk, but not impossible.  After a while you begin to get use to the waves washing over your feet and ankles and get use to walking on the shifting sands and how that feels.  Just about the time you feel like you have adjusted to the shifting sands, a sneaker waves sneaks out of nowhere and just washes you off of your feet and sucks you under.   This is how I feel my grief journey looks.  I am getting use to the shifting sands from the low waves around my feet and ankles and don’t feel as off balance.  Then, without warning a huge wave of emotion comes, often seemingly out of nowhere, and just floods over me, to the point where I feel like I am struggling to keep my head above the water emotionally.  Although the warning signs about waves of grief are talked about, nothing prepares you for the reality of it, and unlike the family that didn’t heed the warnings posted on the beach, in grief these sneaker waves cannot be avoided, simply prepared for.     Sneaker Waves

In thinking back over the past sixteen months, I can see even more clearly that the “sneaker waves” analogy is a very appropriate description of my grief journey.  As time goes by and healing has happened, this picture has changed to kayaking a Class two or three river – there is a constant churning of the water (and emotions) that has become normal, yet when I hit the rapids in the river, it becomes a struggle to keep the kayak straight and pointed in the necessary direction to keep from hitting a rock or flipping the kayak.  There is a constant awareness of the loss, yet there are moments when the rapids hit and life feels overwhelming and aimless.  Those are the moments when I cling to my hope and faith in God and trust in His direction.  I remind myself in those moments of the “God sightings” over the past couple of years.  “God sightings” to me are moments that stand out as God’s hand when I look back.  There are so many moments that I can see why God led us to make certain decisions, follow a certain path, etc.  It is so important to recognize these “God Sightings” to remind us of God’s faithfulness, especially when we are going through challenging circumstances and/or it seems like God is not there.