Lori's Rambling

In the last couple of weeks I have been seeing a true shift in my purpose and direction.  The past year and a half have been focused primarily on grieving our loss of Scott and finding a way to move forward.  Part of my focus during that time was on helping Jaelyn grieve.  In the past few weeks I have really felt God pulling me toward a different focus in my devotional time and in my thought processes.  For anyone following my Facebook posts recently, you have already had a pretty big glimpse into how God is speaking to me. Sometime before Christmas I was looking for new devotional books for my quiet times.  At that time I picked up two devotional books and another book.  The book I felt the most led to pick up was a woman’s devotional.  It really met me where I was at that moment in some of the grief steps I was facing.  Yet after about a month to six weeks, I began struggling to find a personal connection in the daily readings.  It too...

Saturday, as I was thinking about Valentine’s Day, I was trying to remember if I wrote a post last year for Valentine’s Day – my first since Scott’s death.  I began looking back and re-reading posts that I wrote in the first six months after his death.  Wow – as emotional as it was to look back, it was so encouraging.  To see how far I have come in this seemingly never ending journey was so encouraging.  I remember how dark and deep the hole of grief seemed in those first days and months.  This journey is so slow that it is difficult to see the progress as you go.  I would strongly encourage anyone in this journey to find some way of documenting it, whether it is writing, photos, drawing, or simply phrases noted on a calendar.   It was such a blessing to see the lessons God has taught me, the ways He has blessed me, and His perfect timing in words of encouragement and grace from friends, family, and sometimes strangers.  It is such a cl...

Sometimes I wish I thought like a nine year old.  It would certainly help me understand Jaelyn much better and avoid saying things that are interpreted differently in a nine year old’s mind than in an adult’s mind. Last week we began the first of many trips to a cardiologist’s office.  Because of Scott’s death, unexpectedly, at such a young age due to undiagnosed heart issues, her pediatrician wanted her to be screened before her 10 th birthday.  The pediatrician and I wanted to be at least a year and a half to two years out from Scott’s death for Jaelyn’s sake emotionally.   Recently there were some tests in the family that caused us to decide to do it now rather than later, just for peace of mind.  Once the referral was made to a cardiologist, things began happening so quickly that my head was spinning.   I began having little conversations with Jaelyn, explaining what was going to be happening and trying to explain, simply, what had c...

Over the last week, God has brought prayer to my mind again and again.  Last week I was praying for a specific health situation with a family member.  All my prayers were that the health issue would be identified and would be treatable.  Yet when the answers came from those health tests, God chose to answer in a way I didn’t think was possible – all the tests were normal and there was nothing to be concerned about.  Then, sitting in church on Sunday, absorbing Pastor Daryl’s message about prayer, it was hard to contain myself.  The thoughts bursting through my head in response to Pastor Daryl’s message and illustrations were hard to keep up with, specifically the encouragement to pray big and bold prayers.  What we think of as big and bold, God can and will outdo.  Yet we are always surprised when He does do it.  It is too easy to put God in a box, forgetting that He is the God of the universe and He CAN AND WILL DO even the impossible. ...

When I began reading my devotional tonight, it struck me right away.   The title was “The Powerful Hope In Peace”.   The author began sharing the story of the day she received her cancer diagnosis.   After leaving the doctor’s office with her husband, with many unknowns and uncertainties ahead of her, she broke down and cried.   After about fifteen minutes, as she began pulling herself together for the drive home, she describes the peace that settled over her: “But what I did know put all that I didn’t know into its place.   I knew that God was on His throne.   I knew that He was still good and I was still loved.   I knew that Jesus took care of death for me a long time ago on an old rugged cross.   And I knew that He was with me every step of the way.”   -- Leighann McCoy   I cannot tell you how many times I have re-read the line, “But what I did know put all that I didn’t know into its place.”   What a powerful and si...

One of my informal New Year’s resolutions that I made about a month ago was to make sharing my relationship with God with Jaelyn.  When she was little, we did devotions with her every night at bedtime.  Life has a way of getting in the way and before I knew it, it had been a few years since we had done devotions together.  I have been thinking, praying, and looking for a family devotional to use for Jaelyn and me.  I purchased one a few weeks ago, but with the holidays hadn’t had a chance to begin using it – actually, truth is, I didn’t make it a priority.  At Christmas time I talked with Jaelyn about starting family devotions together and wanted to start after the New Year when we were back in normal routines.  I am ashamed to say that Jaelyn had to ask me what devotions were.  Making daily time to spend with God has been a priority over the past sixteen months, especially since Scott’s death.  I haven’t always been consistent with it, but h...

Today, after dropping Jaelyn off for a sleepover, I drove to the cemetery.  It was the first time that I have been there this Christmas season since the laying of the wreaths.  It was absolutely beautiful.   As I parked in front of the section where Scott is buried, I noticed that there were a few other people scattered throughout that section.  One couple was standing in front of a stone in the general vicinity of Scott’s grave.  It often takes me a few minutes to find Scott’s grave each time as every time I go, there are more graves added in his section.  As I began walking slowly back toward where I thought Scott’s grave was, I hesitated a little, not wanting to disturb this couple’s privacy.  Yet as I drew near I heard the most beautiful sound.  The gentleman of the couple was singing an absolutely beautiful and touching song.  His voice was deep and clear, ringing out over the graves.  He sang as if he was standing on a st...