Lori's Rambling

As the year mark approaches I find myself frequently replaying different memories from Scott's death and the aftermath.  What I remember so clearly are the emotions and numbness flooding my mind and body at the time.  I recall the horror and the difficulty of making those phone calls to tell people about Scott's death.  I remember the surreal phone calls with the organ donation organization only to determine that he could not be an organ donor due to travel outside of the US during a certain time frame.  I remember searching through the safe for all the vital documents for planning the funeral/burial and for life insurance.  And, possibly the most difficult of all, figuring out the best way to tell a little girl that her father was gone.  In that instant our lives changed forever.  And while we have managed to move forward and put our lives back together, we are forever changed by Scott's life and death.  I know how our family faced my brother's...

As you know, we are coming up on the year anniversary of Scott's death.  I am still trying to make sense of it all and realizing that I may never make sense of it all.   It has been uplifting to hear stories of how Scott's life affected so many people in a positive way.  I am hoping that his death will affect many more people in a positive way.  To honor his memory as well as raise money for heart research, I have decided, along with Jaelyn and our family, to walk in the Lebanon County Heart Walk on September 29, 2013 from 12:30-3:30 P.M.  I am hoping that many of our family and friends will join Jaelyn and I on this walk in memory of Scott.  I have posted a link on Facebook as well as on my blog to the Hearts for Scott Heart Walk page.  Hearts for Scott Heart Walk page provides the opportunity for you to register to walk with us on September 29th or to donate money in Scott's memory. Please join us in honoring and celebrating Scott's memory! ...

Over the last couple of days I have been thinking back over our grief journey.  We are drawing near to the year anniversary of Scott's death.  The pain was so intense in the beginning that all I could think and pray for was for the pain to lessen.  What I didn't realize was that as the pain lessens, the memories of touch, smell, and sound fade as well.  It is becoming harder to remember the touch of his hand on mine, the fresh and clean scent after a shower or the sweaty smell after working or exercising (yes, I even miss the sweaty smell), the sound of his voice and his laugh.  I am grateful that the intense pain of loss has lessened, but it is so hard to have those sensory memories fade -- I want them to remain vivid and clear.  I am beyond grateful and thankful for the healing that I have seen in Jaelyn over the past eleven months.  To hear her laughing so hard she was almost crying on the Fourth of July at her cousin, Emma, was priceless.  I...

As much as I have shared of this grief journey we are on, there are still parts of this journey that are private.  As I think back over the last year, I am grateful for a lot of things.  One of the most treasured things is the family pictures we had done a little over a year ago.  Our push was to get them done before our nephew left for college, knowing how much harder it would be to get the whole family together at one time.  Little did any of us know that just six short weeks later, Scott would be gone -- suddenly, unexpectedly, in a split second -- and our lives were changed forever.  Those photos are so precious now -- the only "formal" pictures of Scott, Jaelyn, and I.  Photos have been such a source of comfort over the last eleven months -- they bring memories, laughter, and tears -- but worth their weight in gold.  There are photos I wish we had taken -- those moments in life that are special in their simplicity and normalcy -- the m...