Indiantown Gap National Cemetery


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47 years

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47.  Today you would have been 47 years old.  You left us 6 1/2 years ago without warning.  While I take comfort in the fact that there is no sadness in heaven, I am sad for the moments and memories we “lost” with you and that you “lost” with us.  There is not a soccer game or significant event or accomplishment in Jaelyn’s life that I don’t think of you with sadness that you are “missing out.”    This is a time in her life that you would would have loved — watching her play soccer, winning awards at school, and growing into a beautiful young lady inside and out.  You would be busting out with pride of who Jaelyn is and her journey to get here, especially despite the trauma of losing you.  She has not allowed your loss to define who she is.  As much as I grieve the fact that Jaelyn doesn’t have you, I grieve the fact that you aren’t here to enjoy her growing up and maturing.  I remind her often of how much you loved her, protected h...
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Someone is Missing at Christmas

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So, this is our third Christmas since Scott’s death.  I thought that each year would get easier.  In so many ways it is the opposite.  I didn’t expect it to be harder.  I still see things and think, “oh, Scott would like that” or “oh, that would be a good gift idea for Scott.”  I still avoid the men’s departments in stores as I cannot walk through or past them without thinking about clothing he would like or would have needed.  Scott rarely felt the need to buy clothing for himself.  I bought most of his clothing just so I wasn’t embarrassed by the condition of his clothing.  (He lived in t-shirts and shorts anywhere he could get away with it, and even some places that it wasn’t quite socially appropriate.) The holidays bring a heightened sense of loss as everything is about family and thinking of or doing things with your loved ones. I think of my aunt, who is facing her first Christmas since my uncle’s death right after Christmas last yea...
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Nine years

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August 10, 2012  — A date that will forever be etched in my memory.  A date that was the most live altering day of my life so far.  In the past nine years, we have learned to live without Scott’s physical presence in our lives, although it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Something that if someone had told me beforehand was going to happen, I would have said I/we could not handle.  I have heard that God doesn’t send you anything that you can’t handle.  I would disagree with that — God doesn’t send anything that HE can’t handle.  It is only by the grace and strength of God that we have not only made it through the past nine years, but, dare I say, thrived.  That is not to deny the rough patches and how hard it truly was, but when I look at Jaelyn all I can do is thank God that He brought us BOTH through so far with grace and strength.  This past year I think has been one of the hardest of the nine and I know there will be ...
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