Lori's Rambling

I'm sitting in the quiet house (Jaelyn is in bed and the dogs are asleep), thinking back over the day.   Sometimes the quietness after family leaves seems to highlight the absence of Scott.   It was a good day, filled with family.   It was the first picnic at the new house.   It was so nice that most of the Bradley family, including Aunt Faye and Uncle Howard, as well as my parents were able to come for the day.   We were missing two people due to distance and schedule – Nando and Abbey – and two due to heaven – Jason and Scott.   It feels so odd to entertain without Scott – he was so much more the social planner than me.   He thrived on time spent with family and friends.   Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy those times, but Scott craved those times.   We are coming up on ten months since Scott’s death and it still seems surreal.   Life continues to move forward, although many times I wish I could simply rewind time.   I am dr...

Today, as I was sitting in a high school life skills classroom observing a child, I heard a song playing that I haven't heard in years, maybe not even since our wedding.  "Daddy's Hands" by Holly Dunn was sung by close friends, Kent and Dee Davis, at our wedding, just after my dad gave me away.  I chose this song for our wedding to honor my dad who has been a very important part of my life and continues to be a very important and special part of my life.  I cannot imagine how Jaelyn and I would have made it through the last nine months without my father (both my parents actually, but this is about daddies).  Not only has he cried with me and listened to me, but my dad has been there helping in every way imaginable.  He has done things for me that I didn't even see needed done and handled things that I just didn't have the emotional and mental strength to take care of.  My dad has been there for me every step along the way my whole life. Sitting there ...

For Mother’s Day Jaelyn made me a book in school, “The Important Book About My Mom.”    It was sweet and humorous at the same time.   It is always interesting to see how your children see you as a parent.   Jaelyn’s six words for me were:   kind, loving, fancy, happy, helpful, and cuddly.   Her explanations were:   “My mom is kind because she combs my hair.   My mom is loving because she helps animals a lot.   My mom is fancy because she was made that way.   My mom is happy because she has a family that loves her.   My mom is helpful because she helps me with my math.   My mom is cuddly because she cuddles with me.”    Not sure that I would have ever described myself as fancy or helping animals a lot, but in the eyes of an eight year old, those are words that describe me. After Mother’s Day when we were driving one evening, Jaelyn was talking about doing a Father’s Day card before the end of school like they di...

I have been thinking about Scott’s death a lot this week.   I am very grateful that when Scott had the heart attack that his death was quick.   I have found much to be grateful for this week that Scott didn’t suffer and wasn’t left in a position that we would have been forced to make a difficult situation or wait for the inevitable.   I have thanked God multiple times over the past nine months that Scott was not driving, alone with Jaelyn, or biking with Jaelyn and me outside of cell phone reception at the time of his heart attack.   While Scott’s death was tragic, there are many circumstances that could have made it worse, for him and for us.   I am grateful that Jaelyn doesn’t have to deal with a memory of her daddy dying in front of her.   While my heart breaks for Scott’s dad, with Scott dying in his arms, I am grateful that Scott was not alone and was with a loved one at that moment. Last weekend, my mom, Jaelyn, and I began going through boxes ...

I’m sitting on the back deck wrapped in a blanket.   Jaelyn just went to bed.   Most nights tucking her into bed is a fairly quick routine, especially since we moved and she is on the top bunk of the bunk bed.   No more begging mommy to lay down with her for a little bit – climbing those steps on a bunk bed was so much easier when I was 5 or 6!   Tonight Jaelyn was more talkative than normal, in a serious mode, not a stalling mode.   One of the things that has concerned me is that although I know that she misses her daddy, she doesn’t often say that she misses him without me asking her if she is missing him when I see her having a rough time.   Tonight I turned on her digital picture frame as I was tucking her into bed and watched a few pictures with her.   After watching a few, Jaelyn turned to me and said, “Mommy, I miss daddy.”   We talked for a few minutes about missing daddy.   I think the warm weather and doing more things outside h...