Lori's Rambling

I have been reading a book “God’s Most Precious Jewels Are Crystallized Tears” by Barbara Johnson.   It has really been making me think.   “You see, like jewels, Christians are hard to polish !   Every gemstone must be polished before it can be placed in the setting.   Just as a jeweler uses diamond-edged tools and files to turn a rough stone into a beautiful gem, the trials that roll through our lives, fracturing our hearts and grinding us down, serve to polish us so that we shine more brilliantly as God’s most precious jewels.”   This quote to me is the essence of the book so far.   Barbara Johnson shares stories of friends who have been through great trials that have polished them so they shine more brilliantly.   With each of these stories she talks about specific gemstones and how the characteristics of those gemstones fit each story she has told.     “Scientists aren’t exactly sure how a black piece of carbon is transformed...

So, last night I tried to write a blog post, had almost a whole page written, and my computer froze up – lost everything I had written.   So now I’m going to try again, although I’m sure much of what I write tonight will be different from what I wrote last night. I have been talking a lot in the last two weeks with a friend who suffered a significant loss.   It has really made me take the time to reflect on my own grief journey and what I have learned.   While this brings the intense initial emotions back to the forefront, it also shows me how far I have come and how much I have learned.   In going through something like this, I have found strength in myself that I didn’t know that I had, as well as a trust in God to provide everything that I need.   I have had to dig deep some days to find motivation and strength to get through the day, but God always provided what I needed, when I needed it – material needs, a word of comfort, strength to face a difficu...

Every couple of months I receive a little booklet about the journey through grief from the funeral home.   Today I received the third book, “The Dimensions of Grief” by Doug Manning.   The focus of this booklet was on working through anger.   There were a few things that stood out to me in this booklet. “Too often we try to change the way people feel, simply changing the way they think.   We seem to think if can just come up with a new way to look at a hurt then the person will automatically feel better.”   -- This is the best explanation for all the “comforting words” and seemingly thoughtless words that I have heard.   I find that most people, myself included, are uncomfortable when those around us are hurting.   Our natural instinct is to “fix” the hurt and so we try to find words to “fix” the hurt.   Often those words are hurtful to the one grieving as most “comfort” implies a diminished significance of the person’s life and the pain of...

Scott’s birthday – where to start. . .this day was much harder than I expected.   Quite frankly it was harder than Christmas.   I have spent a lot of time today thinking about why that was.   I have come to the conclusion that at Christmas I was so busy and on the go that I didn’t have time to sit and think about Scott.   This weekend, due to Jaelyn being sick, I had plenty of time to sit and think.   There are moments that it still seems so surreal.   I still find myself going back in time in my mind, looking for signs and symptoms of heart problems that we missed, even though the coroner told me that most heart issues of this type have no signs and symptoms ahead of time.   I anticipated being overwhelmed by emotions after getting settled as we have been so busy for a couple of months that there hasn’t been time to sit and absorb all the different thoughts and emotions.   It hit quicker than I expected, maybe in part because of being forc...

I have been thinking about Scott a lot with this move.   I have been missing his sense of humor and spontaneity in the move.   Simply putting out and hanging up pictures has been difficult.   It is harder emotionally now to look at pictures than it was earlier on in this journey.   I have found a way to have pictures of Scott in almost every (haven’t managed to put any in the bathrooms yet) room of the house.   Somehow those pictures seen to stand out more in this house – maybe because there is more space and the pictures aren’t getting lost in the clutter, maybe because there is a more conscious decision in placement of the pictures to be seen.   I finally have a way to display the flag from his funeral in a place of honor that I wasn’t able to do at the old house.   I think too about how much Scott would have enjoyed the space in this house --- space to entertain and spend time with family and friends, which was very important to Scott. When I...