The Great Adventure!

In the almost three years since Scott’s death I have realized how extremely easy it is to get in a rut.  When Scott’s death occurred, my immediate and longer lasting reaction was to grab hold tightly of anything and everything that I could control – even though his death revealed that control of anything in life is really just an illusion.  My mind and heart were so busy trying to come to grips with his death and the effects of his death that I stayed with what was comfortable.  Anything outside of that comfort zone resulted in extreme stress.  This perhaps explains why my job change eight months after Scott’s death induced a stress and anxiety reaction like I have never had with any job change in the past.  I have had almost a light bulb moment while on over vacation about all of this.  In sitting here thinking about it, I understand that maybe an easing of this stress/anxiety reaction over things outside of my comfort zone is the truest sign of healing for myself.

A case in point would be the scholarship presentation in Scott’s honor the last two years.  Last year I was so nervous and anxiety ridden about getting up in front of the church and sharing from my heart that I couldn’t sleep the night before and was sick to my stomach and sweating until I was up front.  This year I was significantly calmer, with really only feeling a little bit jittery and having a dry mouth.

But the biggest step outside of my comfort zone so far was planning a major vacation with just Jaelyn and me.  Tackling a 12 hour drive (with a child who frequently gets carsick and doesn’t like long car rides), to an area that I have never been before, without friends or family to rely on, and no one to share driving responsibilities was a gigantic step forward.  It was a great adventure!  Perhaps my first clue that this was going to be a huge trip for Jaelyn and I was the fact that Jaelyn was extremely excited about it, despite the length of the trip.  When I talked about stopping to see college friends in Maine, her first question was if they had kids.  When I told her that they did not, but that they did have dogs, her response was, “Oh, okay, that’s good then.”  She became more and more excited about the trip as the time grew closer.  Her countdown was not for the last day of school, but rather the day we were to leave for Maine.  Jaelyn would tell anyone who asked (and those who didn’t ask) how many days until we left for Maine.   I was most nervous about the drive (12 hours – split over two days on the way up and two days on the way back), as well as Jaelyn’s notorious issues with carsickness.  I shared these concerns with my Sunday morning Bible study class a few weeks prior to leaving for Maine.  The prayers covering us on our trip can be the only explanation for how smooth our travel to and from Bar Harbor was, as well as our travel up there.  My only mistake is that I should have asked for prayer for motion sickness for myself – as on our Sunset Photography Cruise I became quite seasick, while Jaelyn was quite the little sailor with no sign nor symptom of seasickness!  The trip was an amazing time for both of us and we hated to leave to come back.  We truly fell in love with Maine and will plan to return sometime in the future.

Our adventure and step outside of our comfort zone was so much fun and good for us that I am already starting to think of other adventures that we can take together.  I missed Scott’s presence more than ever on this trip – mostly because it was one that he would have loved and always wanted to take.  Scott loved to travel and I would love to instill that in Jaelyn as well.  This requires steps outside of my comfort zone.  God didn’t intend for us to stay in our comfort zone.  It is easy to miss God when we don’t “need” to rely on him.  I certainly prayed more “in the moment” prayers on this trip than in my “normal” life.  Stepping outside of our comfort zone is necessary to stretch and grow and to learn to rely on God more.  Now, those adventures may not always be big trips, but have been as simple as leading a Bible study or getting up in front of the church to share from my heart when presenting the Scott Bradley scholarship.  I simply pray that I will be more aware of those moments and more willing to step outside of my comfort zone when God is leading.  Life with God is intended to be a great adventure – read the Bible – none of those stories of faith occurred when people remained in their comfort zone.